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Hi, I'm Mark from Tring, Herts caring for my wife - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Hi, I'm Mark from Tring, Herts caring for my wife

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi Carlalee,

Welcome! There are many people here who recognise all the feelings you describe - be assured all those feelings are normal. You have been hit by one of the hardest losses only a few years ago (3 years is nothing much in a lifetime) and another blow just months ago - give yourself time to get used to these major changes in your life.

My father has been disabled for years, retiring early because of increasing mobility problems. My mother was his carer (I am an only child), but she died of cancer in 1999, so I have been his carer since then. I will always miss her, although the acute pain at the time of her death has gradually dulled.

Others are likely to come along without whizzing past your post - perhaps if you start a new thread, they will spot another newbie quicker?
Hello Markie

Welcome from me too!

Its a very common feeling with Carers juggling different relationships. I do remember when my sisters were teenagers it was difficult begin a mother, daughter, sister, as my sisters wanted so much attention and it was hard devoting time when Mum needed 24/7 care, I did manage to get them to talk to a counsellor which made them understand why I hadn't got alot of time for things they thought I needed to give, plus helped them with the understanding of Mum's condition, they even helped make a booklet for teenagers to help understand brain injury. So what I'm saying is that maybe she could do with some one to one to help her understand your situation within the family and maybe help with any issues that bring on her stress.

I do hope that this helps and if your interested I'm sure that through your SW they would be able to refer your daughter.

Take care
Maryann x
Hello Carla

Welcome from me also!

When you have had a huge loss it effects us all differently and there is no time scale as to when you should be over the greiving process. My Granda died 6 years ago and it has got a little easier to live life without him, but the pain will never go away, especially as my Mum asks for him all the time. But 3 years was still a tearful time for me, so you give yourself time!

Glad to have you onboard and hopefully we can help and support you!

Take care
Maryann x
Hello Markie,
Trust me I know how you feel, being a carer especially for someone you love is the most frustrating thing anyone can do, there seems no end to it and the battle goes on and on, can't give you any real advice I am afraid but just to let you know that I do feel for you.
The isolation and fear that we have to live with when we are looking after things is frankly appalling. For the past two months I have lived with caring for my psychotic depressive husband. I found that being cooped up with that starts to make me feel depressed and I often need to be on my own without the incessant need to do this or that just to get my head straight. Most people fly away when they know you are dealing with brain pain. I am not sure what the solution is but this forum helps hugely. It means we can share our agony. Before computers people would write letters but then you have to send them to people who like writing letters back and they were thin on the ground. One solution might be to have help for a half day a week if that is possible - or even two hours where you can get away and have me-time. For ages when my husband was really bad I could not get out of the house at all so once I finally got out to the shops it as such a treat - imagine it, the dreary shop visit becoming a huge luxury
even though I rushed about anxiously in case he had a fall whilst I was out. I often wonder if they get too dependent almost like babies are. That has to be watched. So Mark, you need time for yourself and that needs figuring out. This forum has helped me so much as I do not feel so alone. I also got very angry at the people we helped and they just turned the other way when we needed support.
Hello Sandra

I see that you have been making replies to some very old topics - this one was started in 2007 and the others you have replied to were started in 2008 and 2011.

When you find a topic you would like to reply to it is a good idea to check the date it was started - you can see this under the title of the topic following the original poster's name

Hi, I'm new here! Care for husband with mental health probs.
12by Kitty79 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 4:50 pm
Hello Everyone
by tinks » Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:38 pm
Where topics are more than one year old it is likely that the problem has been addressed and resolved, or that the original poster no longer posts.