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Hi I am new - living in the shadow of stroke - Carers UK Forum

Hi I am new - living in the shadow of stroke

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am 50 years of age but feel so much older!! My life changed 13th March 2012 when my partner Adrian suffered a massive stroke resulting in left hand side paralysis, he also had to have half his skull removed to relieve the pressure of the brain swelling. He came home from hospital 15th September 2012 still not able to use his LH side & I have been caring ever since, I work full time so he has carers in during the day & his parents also come to see him most days, but as soon as i am home evenings, weekends everything is left to me!! I ve just had enough I just want someone to look after me. I just long for the life we had so much, just want to be normal !!! I guess I sound sorry for myself & selfish but I feel so sad Image(( xx
This is a sudden massive change to your life. Have you had a Carers Assessment from Social Services recently? Counselling? Are you simply doing too much now? When something like this happens we keep doing what we used to, as far as possible, because we don't know what else to do. However, after a while it becomes apparent that it's impossible to be Superwoman and do everything for everyone all the time.
Hello Suzysue,

I'm up a bit late myself, and just at this moment I understand. This is all still new, and something that I suppose you have to adapt to in stages. As Bowlingbun says, you just can't do everything, and an assessment may help you look at your needs too. Stay strong...xxx
Welcome to he forum Suzysue, I have cousin who is a bit older than you whose husband had a massive stroke last year too and so I can understand how your feeling, its a massive change to your life and one that you never expected! My life changed totally in July 2005 when my Mum had her stroke and since then I have been her carer plus caring for my daughter and hubby!
Your not selfish at all as you are grieving for the life you had x
Hi Suzysue Image
I care for my mum, but my caring roll came gradually rather than suddenly which gave me time to adapt - until she had an accident a few years ago. Her caring needs changed overnight, and it took some getting used to.
Stick around on the forum - lots of help/support/advice here Image
India.x
Hi and welcome

You are not alone in your thinking, the only place anyone asks how I am is on here. I feel as though I lost my identity when I started caring 24/7 for my Mum in 2004.
You aren't selfish at all to feel like this. I wish I had some words of wisdom, as Nilla said, you and many of us are grieving for the life you had. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone on here.
hi welcome to forum
I am 50 years of age but feel so much older!! <snip>I just long for the life we had so much, just want to be normal !!! I guess I sound sorry for myself & selfish but I feel so sad Image(( xx
I'm sorry for your loss. And it is a loss - both you and your partner have been robbed of the life you reasonably expected that you could look forward to.

BTW you don't sound selfish, you sound human. If you were really as selfish as you think you are, you'd have walked away by now, but you're still there. Congrats on at least trying to do the right thing.