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New here and new to forums. - Carers UK Forum

New here and new to forums.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi everyone. I've never joined a forum before so didn't think to make up a clever user name, my name really is Joy tho some days theres not a lot in evidence. Now I sound like a misery, but I'm not really. I care for my elderly husband who has prostate cancer and is becoming increasingly frail and I was coping ok until he began to have odd days when he is aggresive and argues over silly things and can be a bit scary as he is big and tall and I am only 5ft. Reading other members profiles most of you have so much more to cope with than I do, and I will remind myself of this.and stop being a wimp!
Hi Joy Image
No way are you a wimp, caring is hard work Image
Hi Joy and Welcome
hello joy

welcome Image

Hello Joy

welcome t' forum.

Hello Joy - I just joined today. I too am looking after an older husband (21 years older) and miss the work I used to do - I wish I'd known what was going to happen so that I could appreciate the life we had while we had it. My husband has COPD and is often unable even to speak because his breathing is so bad, but it doesn't stop him being obstinate and refusing to take medicines, or refusing to co-operate when I'm trying to keep him clean. He's still himself, though - it must be very hard dealing with the aggression. I'm sure this site will help us to keep our spirits up.
Hi Joy,

Welcome to the forum.We are quite a mixture here but one thing we all have in common is our understanding about the situations others cope with.
Hope you find the forum of benefit to you.Just holler if any questions.

I'm looking after an older husband too, 23 years. Much of what you say, Joy and Celia, sounds familiar, the aggression has gone thank goodness, there were times when I thought that he hated me and had to remind myself it was the illness not him or me, but the obstinacy when it comes to treatments is an ongoing problem. I sometimes wonder if I should be trying to make him do the less essential things that he needs to do even though I know that he is declining due to his refusal, am I taking away his autonomy? I've stepped back a lot more recently, remind him of the implications of not adhering to medical advice and let him decide for himself, you can't force someone to do what they won't do and all it achieves is conflict, I only insist on the absolutely necessary. It's hard watching someone fade away, I really cherish the good days, and it's funny how we still love so much someone who in many ways is now a stranger and not the person we married.
Thanks everyone. I didn't think I would get so many welcoming messages. It's great to know I can log on and have so many understanding friends. I can even have a moan without feeling like a selfish pig, tho I wont do that too often (I hope) Love to you all xxx
Welcome Joy and Celia.

There is 15 years of an age gap between my OH and I, and at times between him 68 and dad at 88 I feel as if I should be running a kindergarten, so you have joined the right crew here.

Looking forward to your future postings

Take care