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Hi from a newbie - Carers UK Forum

Hi from a newbie

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi people

Im new on here from tonight. I decided to google some info etc on help and support for carers and thought id join up. I am caring for my mum. She has had MS for about 20 years but only really been told about 6 years ago. I decided to come on here as shes much worse than she has been and its getting more and more stressful for myself. Im 32 and think that i should be able to cope, but when it comes to it I feel so helpless. I know there are probably worse people than me but I just want to.... Vent my anger, concern, stress etc etc.

I recently started my own businesses last year and have been trying to make them a success. My dad was due to take early retirement to help out caring more but at times a chocolate teapot would be better. At times i hate myself for saying that but we have never really had a great relationship. Not the father/son relationship that I have craved for. This is stressing me out even more and after a bout of sickness my mum has got worse. It seems that im the only person around.

I keep thinking that I shouldnt be looking after my parent at this age, (in a way it should still be the other way around - giving advice, finding out how im doing etc) I think that I should be looking after my parents when they are alot older but I know that I will keep doing it. My hat goes off and my heart goes out to all the young carers looking after someone whilst still in school or college. I keep thinking im selfish and there are much more people worse off than I am. Unfortunately I have problems talking and discussing thinks with people... Its usually me helping out and listening to others. Im working on this but as I type this I know I am starting to feel alot better. Having read some of the other messages on here and replys I know that others are in the same boat as I am. Its nice to know that people know what carers go through at times.

Apologies to people reading this if its jumbled or doesnt make sense or if ive just rambled on. Im about to hit submit without reading it again as this will be straight from my mind
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Hi Aussie and welcome to the forum
Its always difficult to become a carer, whatever your age. And dont feel that you are being selfish - its never easy. I became a carer in my 30s too - when my hubby had a road traffic accident. The worse part, I think, is that you feel so alone as people who arnt carers have no idea what is involved so everything gets locked inside you.
This is a great forum to be able to let out the things you dont feel that you can say elsewhere.
Hi Aussieeasybiker, I used to ride a Yamaha RD 250 around the Wickham/Roebourne area of the Pilbara, but that was many moons ago! Caring is difficult at any age, but you don't have to do it all by yourself, in fact you can't be forced to do any of it if you don't want to. Has anyone mentioned the fact that you are entitled to a Carer's Assessment from Social Services? This is your opportunity to discuss, in confidence, how you feel about caring. If mum's needs are changing, she should have an updated needs assessment too. Before your assessment, try to think of the three things which get you down the most - it could be dad, doing the washing, not being able to go out with your mates socially, whatever you would like changing the most. Then try to think of solutions. If you can share this with your assessor, it will help him/her work out what you need most of all. For example, if you are struggling to run your business because of interruptions, then SSD might be able to arrange some regular care, perhaps a day centre, so you know that one day a week you can visit clients, do some serious paperwork. There are others here experienced with MS who will be along later, I'm sure.
Hello AussieEasyBiker and welcome to the forum Image
Don't worry, all that you have written makes perfect sense. Sometimes we all feel a little helpless, no matter what age we are! its normal to feel that way.
We are all here to listen/read, help and support each other. Stick around on the forum, you will meet some lovely people here, we all understand how demanding and isolating caring can be at times.
Join us on roll call too in the members section, good way to meet everybody! Image
Take care.
India.x

Sorry - i keep saying members section....its members corner Image
Hi and welcome,

Melly1
Hi All

many thanks for your replies. Its great to know that I am not the only one (which I knew I wasnt but...) Its so true that carers seem to be the only people that know what you are going through. I'm certainly going to check back on here regularly to see what others have to say and look into everything.

Obviously I'm new on here but I'm sure I'll get there in the end, 1st port of call i think will be the roll call?

Many thanks once again
Hi Aussie, Yes join us on roll call!
India.x
Hello and welcome AussieEasyBiker,

I am also relatively new to all this as well and am a lot older than you. In some ways I think worse as you get older coming into this as I have had a life so to speak and you do tend to become a wee bit selfish, like wanting time to yourself etc and as a carer you don't tend to get that - as for help, yeah right.
All you can do is try your best and on here is a great way to vent your frustrations as we are all in the same boat (an ever increasing boat).
Good luck with it all and I hope you had a great Easter
I think its really important to try and find a bit of "me" time. I know I bang on about it and I realise its not easy to find, but when I first started caring I tried to be superwoman - full-time job, young kids, caring, no time off, ..... and I burnt out. I wouldnt want that to happen to others.