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Hi all, I'm a first-timer! - Carers UK Forum

Hi all, I'm a first-timer!

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi! I care for my 86 year old mother who really upset me recently. What made it worse was that she failed to accept that she had upset me! I know I am not a selfish person, but because mum said it, I began to wonder if it may be true. I asked my friends who have categorically told me that it's not true, the complete opposite in fact.

How do you deal with situations like mine?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Bye for now,

looby loo
Hello Loobyloo nice to meet you and welcome to the forum Image Sorry to hear about your mum upsetting you and failing to admit it.I don't know how to advise you on this but stick around one of the others will help you They're a great bunch on here Image
hello looby loo

welcome to the forum Image
Hi Loobyloo,

Welcome to the forum, nice to meet you.

I've been in that situation with my Nan, the way to overcome it is to try and let it go over your head. I used to dwell on a lot of the things my Nan said, calling me selfish, accusing me of not doing things for her etc. It's not an easy thing to put out of your mind but can be done.
It may be worth talking to your GP.

Hugs,

Karen x x
Hi LoobyLoo
Welcome. I haven't suffered from this, but No1Mum's advice seems good to just try and let it go over your head. I'm sure your Mum doesn't mean it, but it must be difficult to hear it being said.
Sending you a big hug,
Bluebird Image
Hi LoobyLoo and welcome Image
Hi LoobyLoo

know just what you mean - my Mum is 85 and has dementia and lots of mobility problems. Despite having a sister I care for her virtually single handed.

Trying to get her to take her meds is a battle royal most days and I'm always being told I don't understand or I don't care - what makes it worse is that my sister who only sees her once or twice a week never gets any of the negative comments - in fact I'm always having to buy flowers for Mum to give to my sister - yet I'm the one who does everything and I never even get a pot plant !

The only way I cope is by continually telling myself that it's the dementia talking, not my Mum.
Another Carer on the forum wrote a poem about her husband and I took the liberty of changing just one word in it so that it reads

'The Mum I love is still in there,
Though more often, harder to find.
I will love her, not all the days of her life,
But all the days of mine.'

and I keep it by me to remind me that this sad, confused and frightened old woman is still my Mum; but not the vibrant, outgoing woman that I used to know.

Never, ever consider yourself selfish - a selfish person could not do what you do. You are a star just like all the other forum members - it's just that we all need to be reminded of that now and then.

((((((((hugs)))))))))
susieq
Hi LoobyLoo

Never, ever consider yourself selfish - a selfish person could not do what you do. You are a star just like all the other forum members - it's just that we all need to be reminded of that now and then.

((((((((hugs)))))))))
susieq
Hello Looby Loo, susieq just said it all!!!! Your a STAR!
My wife suffers with depression and dementia following mini strokes. Some days she says the most 'orrible things to me and it still upsets me even after 40 odd years of getting both barrels. I know she dosen't really mean it, but it still hurts.

Welcome to the mad house!

Pete
Hi all,

I just wanted to say a big thank you ( I wanted to use caps for the thank you but didn't want to get told off by the moderators Image ) for all your lovely, supportive replies and advice. It's so reassuring to know that I don't have to bottle things up inside (for fear of being disloyal to mum)anymore.

Thanks for all the hugs! Right back at each and every one of you!

Take care all,

me
xx