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Hi everyone !! - Carers UK Forum

Hi everyone !!

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I will keep this post rather short as I don’t want to be a burden. My name is Ally (male 47) and live in Scotland. The one thing that strikes me when I read the posts on this site is how humble I feel; think all of you have a lot more to deal with than with my situation.
I look after my father who has Parkinson’s disease and lives with me. Since he was diagnosed six years ago things have deteriorated and now I find myself as a cleaner ( I live in a new house that was designed with my father in mind his own space and en suite etc) I get the carers coming in four times a day. But find more often than not they don’t appear in the morning, this leads to other problems I.E when he goes to the local centre once a week, almost every week I get a phone call to say they are not happy with one thing or another I.E. no knickers on or no shoe laces. I am away before dad wakes up in the morning. The other side to this is dad getting up at two in the morning several days a week.
He ended up in hospital because he was not getting his meds at the right time this again was before the carers were involved hence the need for carers. I find myself getting home from work and have to clean up the usual mess, that I can handle. Lately things have deteriorated and all the cleaning in the world won’t help. The bottom half of the house stinks of urine. As my father is still mobile I don’t know what food he has touched so I do not eat in the house anymore (Sorry to be so blunt) I take it that I’m not the only one with this problem?
I would like to adapt the house so my father has his own space and I will live in the other part of the house is there any grants available for this type of work? Please don’t get me wrong i love my dad to bits but this has cost me my relationship with my long term g/f seven years and have lost three and a half stone in weight. I am struggling to come to terms with it all. Sorry to bore you all with this.
Hi Ally and welcome Image
Sorry things are so tough for you at the moment ((((((((((hug))))))))))
Hello and welcome Image
Hi Ally and welcome

Someone will be along soon to help you with your situation. Lots of lovely people on here to help and support you.

Welcome from me too

Hi, Ally, and welcome Image You can be as blunt as you like, have a rant, whatever, nobody minds. Actually, it's good to have a gentleman posting. I'm sure you will find lots of help, good advice and humour here.

thanks for replying. Not on so much of a rant today.
Hello Ally, and welcome xx
I'm so sorry to hear that your relationship has ended because of all the problems. It illustrates just how much Carers lose.
I'm just wondering, could you afford to have a paid cleaner come in a couple of times a week?
I don't know about grants, etc that you could apply for, but I'm sure that someone will be along soon who does know! Image
Please don't do yourself down and apologise for maybe boring us! Of course it's not boring for us - it's your feelings! Keep in touch and rant and rave all you want!
Last but not least, please start to care about yourself, too!!!! xx
Hello Ally and welcome to the forum. You won't bore us and you can rant, scream and shout as much as you like.

I can't help with the grants question as it's never come up in our case; although I know that under certain circumstances it can be possible to get a grant to have improvements made - but I think that's more in the line of a walk-in shower rather than re-modeling the whole house.

Silly question, but I presume that you have complained about the care workers not turning up in the mornings to help your Father get ready for the day ? and that you have explained to them that you have to be away before they come ?

I'm also presuming that he is over 65 - 'cos in that case he can apply for Attendance Allowance which would enable you to pay for a cleaner to come in a couple of times a week (AA is about the only benefit that is not means tested !). We get it for my Mum and use it to pay for petrol, a gardener and the window cleaners ! It also sounds as though you could do with a Carers Assessment for yourself.

I'm sorry to hear that your relationship with your girlfriend has buckled under the pressure of caring and a lot of people on here will be able to empathise with that, having been through similar problems themselves.
Hello and welcome Ally. I've only been here for a little while but all the people are lovely and really helpful I do about Disabled Facilites Grants but I don't know if they would help with all you need. Feel free to rant - we all need to let steam off sometimes!! Image