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Hello all. - Carers UK Forum

Hello all.

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Hello everyone, I've been lurking on this forum for about four years but am finally moved to post something. Sorry if it's a bit long.

I’m 41, I live with my older husband (67) and mother (80). Mum’s lived with us since 2016 and has a number of health issues including epilepsy and a hiatal hernia. She's trigged by nausea, but feels sick every day due to the hernia, and so takes strong anti-sickness medication.

I do all of her care, which up till now has been pretty limited, just providing her meals and sorting out her medication. She has her own very large room and bathroom and mostly keeps to herself. My husband tolerates the situation as long as she's fine, but as soon as something is wrong he becomes resentful, which I can fully understand but it worries me as mum's very emotionally wobbly and cries at the least little thing. She's wary of him and he can be a bit snappy. We have our own business which means I can work around anything, but he gets impatient if I have to miss much work.

Mostly this has been fine but last week we discovered she has a DVT which is being treated but has required me to take her to hospital every day for a blood test with no idea of when that might stop. I have to take her as mum gets car sick (triggering fits) and I drive carefully as to avoid this. Also she can't walk far so needs me to push her chair and wait for her. This is about 3 hours in the middle of the day and I'm fitting work and housework in around it, along with later nights so I can give mum her injected medication at the same time each evening.

It's been ok, but about two hours ago mum had a fit and we have a hospital appointment she's supposed to be attending around noon. She says she'll see how she is to be able to go, but now I'm terrified that she's going to require even more time in and out of hospital, causing problems with my husband. We were told that because she takes epilepsy medication her DVT medication might not agree with it, so it has to be monitored to see if they "play nicely together", so now I'm worried we'll have to change her medication around and it's more trips to and from the hospital.

I feel like I'm trying to keep everyone happy by working extra hours, and shielding mum from any issues, but I'm so tired of this and it's only been a week!

Sorry for the rant, I feel that other carers on here have so much more to deal with, but this morning it's just getting me down.

It's time for mum to move out.

Your husband has a right to enjoy his home, and his marriage, in peace.

I'm sure he is worried about the stress all this is causing you.
Use this current crisis as an opportunity for change.

I cared for my mum for many years, she was 6 miles away from me. In the end she was so frail that we both recognised residential care was the only remaining option.

Not what we wanted, but what mum NEEDED.