[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
I am full of fear and dread - Carers UK Forum

I am full of fear and dread

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
DH has been ill for a few months and now it looks like he will need a leg amputation. I am unable to cope with this, either the practical side or the intimate side of it. I have no one to talk to, I grew up in a foster home and have no family. His parents are elderly and live 4 hours drive away. I want to pack my bag and hide. I just dont know what to do.
Tubby, can you talk to your GP and ask if you can have counselling? Even if it's just someone to offload onto, it might help.
Hello Tubby and welcome to the forum :)

I have moved your post to the New Members section where more people will see it and be able to respond and welcome you.

I agree with Ladybird17 - I think your first port of call should be your GP for advice and information on what help will be availble for you if your husband has to have his leg amputated.
Hi Tubby
Welcome to the forum xx
Hi Tubby,

Welcome - we are here for you. Thinking of you

Love and hugs

My father in law lost a leg when quite young in a motorcycle accident, and regained full independence and mobility right to the end of his long life, so it all depends on factors like other illnesses, the capability of the rehab service, and most importantly, his own resilience. Your encouragement to keep up his morale will be crucial. I realise that you are in a very dark place right now, but please rest assured that there is everything to live for and that we are here for you.
Its like I am suddenly the "man" in the relationship, I have to carry the shopping and change the lightbulbs and clean the windows and help him up stairs and I feel sick looking at his wound. I'm very sad that he is ill but I'm sadder for me that I dont have the life I had last year.
Welcome from me too Tubby.

I can't of course say I know how you feel because I have not been in the same situation. I wonder though if it is similar to when many of us have become the carer of our parents? To me, that also felt like a role reversal....gone were the days when I could turn to my parents it was now my Mum that needed me to do everything for her.

Knowing that someone is now dependent upon you for help with everyday life is not easy to take on board but as Scally has said, although life may seem very difficult at the moment, it is possible that your husband may come through this well and you may still have a good quality life together.

Perhaps there is someone at the hospital too that you can speak with? Or, as suggested your GP. In the meantime, please remember that we are here and will support you in any way we can. Welcome aboard!

Bell x
Welcome, I have an amputee friend who became a thatcher, but he lost his leg in his teens, also as an accident. Has he seen an orthopaedic surgeon yet? Make sure you go with him to see the consultant, write down any questions beforehand, and make sure you get answers before you leave. He will not be discharged until the hospital are sure it is safe to do so, and he will be entitled to extra free care for a few weeks after discharge. Take things one day at a time. Ask your gp if there is anyone he could put you in touch with locally.
Hi Tubby,

Welcome to the forum. No wonder you feel as you do. This is a lot for both of you to deal with.

You have been given some good advice so far. You definitely need someone to talk to and your GP/ hospital/ carer's centre should be able to help with this. Plus of course we are all here in cyber space too.

If it were me, I'd try and find out as much about it as you can. Knowledge will help demistify what will happen, what to expect, the adapting you will both need to make. I googled caring for an amputee and there are quite a few groups and organisations but as I don't know your whereabouts it's worth looking to see what is nearest to you.