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Hi, new here - Carers UK Forum

Hi, new here

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi my name is Emma,

I am 24 and I look after my granddad 24/7, he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer that now has become secondary in the spine, he refuses any treatment other then the injection every 3 months, until recently he started getting numbness and pins and needles in his legs and feet, he was told he had to have at least one session of radiotherapy otherwise he will become wheelchair bound.
the radiotherapy of course has come with its side effects and made things in some ways easier and other ways not at all, also doesn't help that he is a stubborn man who says I'm the best carer he can get so has cancelled any help iv had from a company we had to begin with, meaning I no longer get a break.
I feel very alone, my family and other half try to come help as often as they can but it is only for Friday night to Sunday morning. Some days I feel like I'm hating on everyone for no reason and I have no idea how my other half puts up with it lol.

i will stop with my rant now lol and I guess I just hope to feel less alone and talk to people in the same sort of situation.
Hi emzystar and welcome to the forum. You are welcome to have a rant on here anytime you like. Its often helpful to get it off your chest. I know that the problems you are having are very common. Carees become very dependant on their carer, but it is important to have a break. Im not yet at the stage of needing outside support, but many, many of the people on here are in a similar position to you and Im sure they will be able to advise you.
Take care x
Hi there Emzystar, welcome to the forum.

Sounds like you certainly have your hands full with grand dad. As Crocus says, sometimes people can be very dependent upon the person that cares for them and it is often out of fear that they don't want anyone else to "take over". The problem that you well know is that you are not only entitled but very much NEED a break from time to time. Have you and Grandad had a carers assessment? It may be worth you having a word with someone outside the family, perhaps GP? And ask them to speak with your Grandad to explain how important it is for you to have some time to yourself and support in caring.

Please come along to the forum and join in when you can -there is usually someone around to have a chat with.

Bell x
Hello Crocus and Brindleboy123 , Thank you both for replying, no we haven't had a carers assessment as my grandad is very reluctant to have others come into his home, I just about get him to allow the hospice nurse and district nurses around once a week. they help very much helping to explain things to my grandad but he would have to pay for a carer to come once a week or when ever needed to give me a break and isn't willing to do so Image
so i have lost that help until someone can persuade him otherwise, it is difficult tho as he used to be such an independent man and now all of the sudden because of a fall and the finding of the cancer in his spine he is restricted mobility wise but I don't think he seems to want to believe things are as bad as they are (I have read in others posts that this is sometimes a problem so glad I am not the only one lol)
Hi Emma and welcome to the forum Image

Reluctance to pay for outside help is understandable but not much help to you Image

Is your Grandad over 65 ? If he's not in receipt of DLA he should be eligible for Attendance Allowance - this is about the only benefit that is not means tested and is not counted for tax purposes - you can find out more about it here: https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/overview. From what you've said he'd probably be entitled to the higher rate (currently £77.45 per week).

It's very easy to apply for and there are no restrictions on what the money can be used for; we claimed Attendance Allowance for my Mum and the money was used to pay a gardener to come regularly and keep her garden in check and once a month she'd give me money for petrol for the my car. You/he could use some of it to pay for a care worker to come in some days to give you a break.

Although Grandad only wants you 24/7 he should understand that kind of pressure isn't good for you and that you need regular breaks to be able to continue careing - if your health breaks down, what then ?? The outside help you were getting was as much for your benefit as his !!
hi susieq and thank you Image

I'm glad someone sees my side lol
he has got attendance allowance and that was what was going towards the carers so paid over half when I needed them every morning. I have pointed this out to him but as I said before he is a very stubborn man lol.

I guess I am just going to have to keep pointing out I need a break and hope he understands at some point. I do have days I just don't want to get out of bed, but there is no one else around to help him so I end up forcing myself out haha.
I am defiantly feeling alot better now then i was this morning, i was ready to scream Image
Hi and welcome Image
thank you Image