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Hi Im new to this but really hurt - Carers UK Forum

Hi Im new to this but really hurt

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi Im Claire,

But sadly I lost my mum suddenly on 7th December 2007,I was a carer for her for nearly 9 years,I did everything for her and I miss her deeply.
HI Claire

Welcome to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear about your Mum.

Have a look at this part of our website- there is a section offering advice for bereaved carers

You can also download a booklet which is about the same thing. Click this link to download the PDF of When Caring Comes to an end.

Best wishes

Matt Hill
Communications and Campaigns Manager
Carers UK
Hi Claire,

Please accept our deepest condolences on the loss of your mam.There are quite a few of us here who have lost loved ones,some of us still care for others too.

I dont know if you feel the same as I did but after losing my mam,as well as the grieving process that we all go through for loved ones, I also had a sense of feeling useless,that I should be doing something and I even went through the guilt that maybe just maybe I had not done enough.

Finding that I had time on my hands at first was the worst.
At the beginning I would wake up and rush to help mam,to see that she was ok, then it would all hit again that she was not there.The gap in my life then and even still now is massive.Not only was she my mam but she was also my best friend.

People will tell you that time helps and you will shake your head and say it wont but Claire,it does help.I think the longing for them remains but in time you cope better each day.You learn to live your own life again.

I dont know if you are religious Claire and it makes no difference really but even now my mam is the last person I talk to before I go to sleep and shes the 1st I talk to on waking.Usually its just something simple like asking her to watch over my brother.

You had 9 years Claire,you never said if they were difficult years but the fact you miss her deeply shows how deep a bond you had with her.
Keep the good times close in your heart,remember the happy times and please if there is anything we can do just ask.

The forum has a facility by which you can send members private messages.If there is anything else you wish to add but maybe too personal to post on the public side of here,please use it.

Be strong Claire,you can be proud of how much you cared for your mam and I know she will be proud to have called you her daughter.

x x x x
Thank you Rosemary.
Morning Claire,

I have been thinking of you a lot.
Do you have family and friends round you to help support you?

x x
I do have my husband and friends.

But all I want is my mum back
Hi Claire,

Its natural the way you are feeling just now and I hope with the support of your hubby and friends that you can come to terms with your loss.You also have here if you want to lean on us too.

Please take a look at these next links....both the same thing but for some reason the 1st one does not always work.



On the 2nd link you will need scroll down as music is playing to read the verse.

Your life made a massive difference to your mam Claire as hers did for you.Hold on to everything special you had with her.Accept the bad days when they come but step out on the good days if that makes sense.
If you have a gentleness in your beliefs Claire,your mam has been the one to help put it there and in time when you can feel happiness again she put that there too.We can have no greater teacher than our parents most times.

I have been out like most of us here buying gifts for Christmas for my family but even though this is my 2nd Christmas without mam it does not seem right not buying her a gift.So I found this little glass plaque with a verse on.You will have seen them in most card shops..Mini Reflections.When I go to cemetary tomorrow with my wreath this plaque will be placed there too.If you dont mind I will share the verse with you.......

Her Smile

Though her smile is gone forever,
And her hand I cannot touch,
I still have so many memories,
Of the mam I loved so much.

Her memory is my keepsake,
With which I'll never part.
God has her in His keeping,
I have her in my heart.

Sadly missed but never forgotten.

I guess what I am trying to say Claire is, be proud of yourself and walk tall.

Thinking of you
x x x
We atheists do not believe in gods, or angels, or demons, or souls that endure, or a meeting place after all is said and done where more can be said and done and the point of it all revealed. We don't believe in the possibility of redemption after our lives, but the necessity of compassion in our lives. We believe in people, in their joys and pains, in their good ideas and their wit and wisdom. We believe in human rights and dignity. We may believe that the universe is pitilessly indifferent but we know that friends and strangers alike most certainly are not.

I don't believe in any god, but I do believe in those people who have struggled through pain and found beauty and peace in their religion. I am not at odds with them.

I know that the theory of natural selection is the best explanation for the emergence and development of human beings and other species. I know that our bodies are composed of flesh, bone, and blood, and cells, and molecules. I also know that this does not account for all aspects of our lives, but I know no-one who ever thought it did. That is why we have music, dance, science, poetry and novels, and friendships, and practical jokes, and photography, and a sense of awe at the immensity of time and the planet's natural history, and walks with loved ones in the dripping wet woods because, well just because, and passionate reverence for both those heroes who believed and those who did not, and have all this without needing a god to stitch together the tapestry of life or take away the fear of the unknown.

Your Mum will be with you always...in your heart and those wonderful memories. She helped to make you who you are, and she lives on in you. And whilst the path of discovery that has led me to this understanding is very different from Rosemary's, our conclusions are identical - your Mum wants you to face the future with a smile on your face and a skip in your toes.
I know but it is going to take time.
I'm thinking of you and sending you some (((Hugs)))

marie x