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General help - Carers UK Forum

General help

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Hi im new to this group
My brother is 62 years old and as of last october was thrown out of this home by his wife with just the clothing on his back
Her excuses were he did nothing around the home and stopped washing hiself .
He has managed to get shelterd accommodation he has his own flat within a complex.
Since moving in last year he has under gone a number if assessments another which is due in december 2018.
I will be wanting answers as i feel we are getting no where
The place where he is staying think he has dementia as i also feel he has
He is not eating correctly and has had 2 showers in 12 months .
He changes his clothing very regular i have started cleaning his flat he does the hooving but i personally no its not done very well.
I am concidering moving him to a nursing home but would have to be a council run due to costs
This way he wont have to worry about cleaning or cooking
He seems to spend money like its going out of fashion
I am also thinking of taking power of attorney
Is there anyobe that has had to do this and how would i go about it please
Sorry to rant on
Any help would be gratfull
Thankyou
First step is a visit from Social Services to do a Needs Assessment.
Interesting that he is in a sheltered housing complex, places are usually difficult to obtain. Was he already disabled?
Hmm, you can't really throw someone out of a house unless they leave voluntarily (or you change the locks).

Is he divorcing her, she him? Where is he getting his money from?

Maybe his erratic behaviour is dementia, maybe it is a form of mental illness in some way.

Care home fees are paid by the council when someone is down to £23,500 (they START to pay then, as in some of the fees, but won't pay them all till the person is down to £14k). So, if the house he lived in with his wife was co-owned by them, then his half (whether divorced or not) would be expected to be used to pay his fees at the care home till he is down to that £23,500 level.

The council may put a charge on the house - BUT, if his wife / ex wife is over 60, they may have to leave the house alone, whether he co-owns it or not.

These are all BIG issues, and as BB says, you/he need to have this clarified.

I guess one sad truth is that he is unlikely to 'get better', only to 'get worse' whatever is causing his behaviour now.
Her excuses were he did nothing around the home and stopped washing hiself .

Hmm, sounds more like a reason than an excuse to me! Would any of us want someone living with us like that???

However, all marriages are 'unique' and we never really know what goes on 'inside' do we. So maybe she isn't very nice at all!
If they are still married then I think it's the wife who is in charge legally. As a sister you may have no rights to arrange anything. Best check with a solicitor
If your brother is willing for you to 'represent' him, I'm sure a solicitor would discuss his financial situation with you, in terms of what he would be eligible for if his wife unilaterally wants to divorce him.

He should certainly NOT lose out on any financial entitlement, however 'bizarre' his behaviour may have become.

I know you say you fear dementia may have been setting in - but 62 is very young for that. (Not unknown, alas). Has he had any formal diagnosis at all, whether it is dementia (and a brain scan may be needed for that, given his relative youth), or a form of mental illness.

What was he like 'before' if you see what I mean? Has he a long-standing history of erratic or 'weird' behaviour at all, in which case it's probably more likely to be a form of mental illness, rather than even early-onset dementia.

How 'rational' is he when you talk to him.

If he is highly 'irrational' and 'always so' (ie, not just for 'bursts') then you may have to start considering whether he can be regarded as having legal competence - ie, can he still be allowed to make decisions for himself, etc. If that is so, then, as pointed out, probably, I would think, his wife is his 'next of kin' (while they are married), and so would be regarded as his 'guardian'. But he MAY have a say in who he wants to be such a guardian, eg, you, perhaps.

I do think you need to find out more about WHY he is as he is now, and what the implications are for his life from now on.

It's very sad, and very distressing all round, I know, and emotions must be running high.....