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Help please, really at my wits end - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Help please, really at my wits end

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello and welcome.

Definitely call up social services next week. Insist on a needs assessment pronto. This is a online directory of care homes across all areas of Britain, feel free to take a look (link is posted below) https://www.carehome.co.uk.

Also pay close attention to your gut feeling. You can download or print out a list of questions to ask, this can be found on their website and also check out the reviews too. I found a ton of useful information on that site when I was looking at care homes. I also recommend preparing a short list of questions to ask.
thara_1910 wrote:
Sat Feb 08, 2020 5:49 pm
Hello and welcome.

Definitely call up social services next week. Insist on a needs assessment pronto. This is a online directory of care homes across all areas of Britain, feel free to take a look (link is posted below) https://www.carehome.co.uk.

Also pay close attention to your gut feeling. You can download or print out a list of questions to ask, this can be found on their website and also check out the reviews too. I found a ton of useful information on that site when I was looking at care homes. I also recommend preparing a short list of questions to ask.
He already had a needs assessment in December which is how the carers came in and they supplied the commode, rail for the bed to help him up, banister for the stairs, toilet seat elevator and raised the sofa up.

However things have got worse since December so he need a fresh assessment. We were in the carer and family services system before but his insistence was he didn't need it so they stopped coming as he told them to go away.

I've submitted a request to social services online this weekend as our local authority allows this and recommends that it is done this week so we'll just have to see what happens early next week.
bowlingbun wrote:
Sat Feb 08, 2020 4:21 pm
You CANNOT leave work. With the retirement age now 68, that means after dad dies, you will have to go back to work or spend your savings, if you have any left by then of course!
Have no intention leaving work and I've told my father that. I am working in a job that I enjoy and it's took me a long while to get that after a rough time. The good thing is that my colleague has had a similar situation with her mother and another colleague was a trustee for a care trust so I have a lot of support in work and understanding with time off etc.

I've had a rough few years with other things as well and I've had to restart in a new job and also had a bad break-up with my wife to be just before the wedding and having had to start over so to speak in 2018. I don't want to spend the next few years doing a thankless task with no help and my life being placed on hold, else I will be in my 40s with not much to show.
bowlingbun wrote:
Sat Feb 08, 2020 2:30 pm
If they feel dad needs urgent help to keep him OUT of hospital, then they can arrange for the Social Services Rapid Response Team to act almost immediately, within an hour or two. Just think of it as a short cut to what dad needs.
The step I have made via the local authorities adult care system will pass the description on to the social care team and the Social Services critical action team in my area, I have spoke to someone who says that they will assess it most likely on Monday as they are very stretched as a service so will get back to me then. I do not want to call 999 as people have life threatening emergencies and I do not want to take a slot from them, but this cannot continue until next week and on Monday I will be making sure that something change and speaking to the Crisis Response team at the Social Services team locally if I don't hear anything from them by the end of the day.

Whilst I understand this is "dad's last chance" I'm afraid you know what is going to happen, he will fail and disappoint you yet again. Please don't think this is in any way at all a failure on your part. It is dad's mental and physical health that has failed. The more you do to avoid the inevitable, the more dad can pretend to himself that he's OK.
Sure, I know but I would just feel a hell of a lot better if I did, I have laid the law down to him and told him I'm not going to allow him to walk all over me and if it doesn't change then the dog will be rehomed and things will be taken out of his control. In my submission to the local authorities system I have pretty much repeated what I have said in the first post and when the dog is rehomed, if she is, at least it will be following a survey of the situation by someone external as otherwise he will never forgive me. I understand that things cannot go on and I will not allow them either but I'm also trying not to completely destroy my relationship with my father as he's the only relative I have left apart from a distant uncle and cousins.

What is the doctor doing? When did he last visit dad at home?
About a week and a half ago, things were bad before but they've got worse in the past week or so.
Very pleased you acted over the weekend.
I am very impressed indeed with the amount you have already done. Now it's up to the authorities to sort something out.
Do keep in touch.
I know this does not help your situation but I can't help but notice the irony in that while social services/local authority are messing you about (when they do have capacity to operate out of hours in an emergency, like your situation)..

..you could bet RSPCA would be in that place like a bullet about the dog if you phoned them (probably have old bill put the door in!)

I had wrote more but edited when I noticed the recent posts, good job and I hope things work out for you both.

Your dad is not that old (by todays standards) and can still have some good years with the right support.

Hope things stabilise for you

Best wishes
Things were worse this morning and I called 111 and basically they stated focusing on treating his symptoms such as constipation and pain and all that kind of things and wanted to speak to him and not really listening to the impact that things had on me and concerns about his welfare and his care. Have to say very disappointed. They asked him to make his way into an out of hours facility 15 miles away, despite me telling them he missed his biospy results on Thursday as he couldn't get out the house....

He hasn't aten for a few days and shit was smeared all over the house this morning, on the kitchen roll, on the floor and everything as he says he has severe stomach problems. 111 will try and get a GP but not sure that will happen now as he cannot get to a centre and was told it's not a 999 issue and if I call them I am wasting their time as it's a care issue and not a health one.

As well as submitting a request to the adult social care service at the local county council I've also sent a secure email to the local community healthcare coordination service who have said they'll get someone to have a look at it and see what they can do as these are the people who supplied the adjustments around the house etc before and got occupational therapist in.
That's appalling, clearly they were not focussing on the fact that he had so much pain he couldn't get out of the house!!

I'm so sorry. Maybe try again later when there is a new call handler on duty. It shouldn't be like this.
Just been told that a GP will be out within the next 12 hours by 111.

Lets see what happens but else will probably call them back and see if someone actually cares.

The problem with 111 is I speak to them as much as I can and then they ask to speak to my father and he plays things down a little bit and they seem to take his word too much.