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Am I the only person who feels anxiety on having family stay - Carers UK Forum

Am I the only person who feels anxiety on having family stay

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Second time lucky, first one I clicked on preview and was taken to delete all cookies message! I had lost my words!

I have stopped my son staying over Christmas eve and day, as he stays just 2 miles away. My wife is often fatigue or has migraine. It would be me alone hosting and I did not want to do the full meal on the day, so booked for a Boxing Day traditional meal. I am forced though to cook the meal but I will not be table laying, as it could be just the my son and I eating.
I also could be a late riser as our sleeping pattern is irregular often. So my anxiety is that I could be left with it all.

How do you tell folk how it is and get them to understand?
I think you just have to go ahead with your plans and tell them how it will be. Whether they understand is another thing but don't worry too much. Noone's. rushing to invite you to have dinner with them. And even if they had, that could also be stressful, feeling you need to bring gifts, stay longer after eating, etc.

There's so much hype on the tv, media about the whole family, distant relatives and friends coming together for a full blown Christmas dinner, party hats and all. 'Celebrities ' sharing their tips for a wonderful day, with no expense spared.

Reality is you may not want all that often fake jollity. It may not be appropriate that year. Nothing wrong with cooking a couple of chicken legs, pasta or beans on toast and having a quieter day in without all the added stress of going above and beyond.
No one is obliged to do anything. I don't think one should even have to explain. Things change time moves on. Life changes I think it's better to have the Christmas conversation. Earlier in the year that way people can make alternative arrangements. Get use to the idea. Christmas should be the least stressful day of the day. However, for many it turns out to be the most stressful. Its one day!
Why on earth does he want to stay when his own bed is so near???
Does you son make any effort to help take the load off you during Christmas, or does he just expect mum to do everything and treat him like a little boy?

Even if he's not an expert cook, he could peel all the veg beforehand and bring it with him, buy a cake, or pudding, or mince pies.

When we had Christmas Dinner with the in laws, it was always understood that after a delicious lunch, MIL sat and put her feet up with a cuppa whilst we did battle with the washing up.

It's understood in my family that I'll do whatever is needed up the Christmas Dinner, then I'm ON STRIKE!
M, my son with LD, tells friends that after Christmas we live on "scraps", i.e. left over ham, turkey, etc.etc.

Do you and your wife go over to his place for a return meal during the holiday?!?!
Hello and welcome!

Do not postpone or cancel plans. Can they help you do the housework or not on Boxing Day? My family are flying in from Pennsylvania tonight by aircraft and I calmly told them that they had to help me do the housework. Otherwise I would be stressed beyond my limits and I do not want that. This is not what Christmas is about.

What are your family traditions? We go to church on Christmas Eve and then come home to prepare dinner and do last minute wrapping. We sing carols and say prayers at home before having our Christmas dinner one day early. On the actual day we do not do much really. We tell stories and jokes and play games or watch movies etc as a family. Another tradition is to read a Bible story and say some prayers before eating.

Apart from a low key Christmas breakfast, lunch and tea, we don't eat much food. Ask them for help. Does he return the favor? What do they do to enable you to enjoy Christmas properly? For carers in Britain, Christmas is stressful enough as it is. You do not need extra stress, do you? Try asking them to make some food and bring it over. This is a tradition from my childhood and it makes things so much easier on me. We only buy and eat free range meat from farm shops instead as it is much more kinder on the poor animals. Why should they suffer for us?

Get him to pitch in. What about peeling or using the oven? Or even just watching the oven for you can help. I make my brother help me prepare the dessert. He helps me by counting out things and obeying instructions. Sometimes I also get him to read out the recipe. My partner knows I expect teamwork in the kitchen. He helps me by peeling things and so on too.