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Help!! Mum is 88, I am 68 and she only wants me!! - Page 22 - Carers UK Forum

Help!! Mum is 88, I am 68 and she only wants me!!

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214 posts
Hi Joan,

My late mum was desperate to stay in her own home, but after she was in and out of hospital, more disabled each time she came out, in the end there was simply no option left other than residential care. Fortunately, she accepted this, but I know she didn't like being in the home, although it was the very best in the area.

It's very sad seeing our parents get old, but they don't realise that we too are getting old, and disabled ourselves. I had a head on smash that nearlyl killed me, saved only by the fact that I was driving my late husband's Range Rover, not my Escort. It was written off and I spent years hobbling around with a walking stick before I had knee replacements. I'd also had major surgery about 18 months previously, it was all I could do to look after myself, my house, my business and my son with learning difficulties but mum still expected me to do the things which she couldn't!!!!

How do her letters get from her to you? Would it not be best to ask the home not to post them to you?
Thanks so much for your reply.
The care home posted but now emails the letters to me. They like to be open and honest and I suppose caring. I think maybe I just will not open them in future. However, that makes me feel guilty.
I am also unsure as to what dementia is. She does not seem to have the symptoms I read about, but then will say things that are well out of date. Such as I hate going out in a wheelchair in case the neighbours see me. (She refers to a street she lived in 70+ years ago and all the neighbours are long dead and gone.)
She will talk about getting things for her which are downstairs in her flat. Her flat never had a downstairs. However, she can talk lucidly about some things. She has asked me for warm jumpers, I have given her every jumper she owns.

It's just nice to find a site where people understand what I am going through and are so supportive!

Hi Joan, has mum's dementia ever been investigated? Has she had a brain scan? There are many different types. I believe there are more details on the Alzheimer's Society website.
Joan, my late husband had vascular dementia along with other illnesses. There were times when I doubted the diagnosis. Such as being to work out maths could quote the !as etc. Then I would be brought back to earth! Asking where his parents were, saying he had been to all sorts of places, to work so on and so on.. Confabulatated allot the time. Harder for the family than the dementia sufferers .
I do feel for you, at this difficult time. You know you have and are doing the right thing for your mother, and for yourself
214 posts