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Help - Carers UK Forum

Help

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Hello,
I'm new on here and struggling at the moment with what to do.

My dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer back in April 2019. Hes had stents fitted and up until recently hes been eating ok.

Back in aug he broke his hip in a fall and so once home hes been very immobile and had to use a frame.

3 days ago he suddenly had no strength to even lift up to use his walker so is now spending his time in bed. I'm having to lift him onto commode etc next to the bed. Hes has gone downhill so quickly. He cant hold a spoon to eat, hes confused, can hardly speak or move and groans but isnt in pain.

Hes adamant no hospital and has a dnr from when having his hip surgery. I work 2 days a week and so far have been lucky that my daughters days off have been when I've worked as no one helps.

He has never had district nurse or anyone come to see us since April. Not sure who to contact and when or just sit here and watch over him till he passes or is in real pain.

Think I may have to leave work for a while.

Linda
Hi Linda ... welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type.

4 links for you which will be of assistance :

HOME CARE SERVICES ... what's out there , and who provides it :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... site-37984

NEEDS ASSESSMENT ... through the LA :

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-ad ... ssessment/

CHC / NHS CONTINUING HEALTHCARE ... given your father's deteriating health :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998

( The FASTTRACK option would not out of the question here. )

AGE UK ... is he on their radar ?

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/

Others will be along to extend their welcomes.
Hi Linda, welcome to the forum. How advanced is his cancer?

I'm desperately concerned that you are apparently getting no help whatsoever.
Has anyone suggested your dad has an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment?
If you have a local hospice, please contact them asap. Ours has an "outreach" service, yours may too. My dad had lots of support when he was dying of prostate cancer.
Otherwise, is there a MacMillan service in your area?

Is he receiving any disability benefits, Attendance Allowance, Personal Independence Payments?

I would strongly recommend counselling for you too, when my mum was dying, my counsellor was a great support.
If this downturn has come on relatively suddenly, I would be calling 111 or even 999. He might have something else going on (infection?). Also you ought not be lifting him - bad for your back. Call 111!
Thank you everyone. When he saw specialist back in May they gave him no indication of how advanced it was, how aggressive it was just that they would see him in 6 months or treat problems as they arose. He couldnt have any treatment due to him being so frail with his heart etc. All I know is he saw 2 ladies from macmillan while in hospital but I wasnt there and I dont know what happened.

He was falling a lot from dizziness when he broke hip and as I say up until 3 days ago he was walking with frame and eating as well as expected.

He doesnt want dr in case he has to ho into hospital but since I left work last monday I havent set foot outside and he cant even straighten his legs today to stand and help me get him on commode. I will have to call 111 or dr first thing monday.

He has never had anyone visit or hasnt been referred so anyone for anything. I dont know what normally happens. Has he been forgotten about?
He has never had anyone visit or hasnt been referred so anyone for anything. I dont know what normally happens. Has he been forgotten about?


High time the calvary were called in ???

Start with the HOME CARE SERVICES and NEEDS ASSESSMENTS links.
You can call 111 now. No need to wait. Mum had cancer, not treated due to frialty. She declined slowly but had steps down in her health.

Even though your dad doesn't want hospital medical preventative treatments, the hospital palliative care team may need to assess him in hospital to determine best palliative care plan and medication needs to manage symptoms and pain levels.

Id also call the MacMillan nurses and inform them of his current health. They may well think he's stable.....

Now is not the time to hesitate seeking medical help. Sounds like he's had a marked decline. Not eating and not able to bend legs? Could be in much pain but doesn't want to let on? Id be calling, probably 999, straight away.
Definitely. It's not what he WANTS but what he NEEDS. It's not fair on you, with no medical training!
Hi Linda,

I'm sorry to hear about your father. It sounds like he needs a carer to help ease the load of your hands. If you need a place to start on where to find help, I'd suggest looking at https://www.liveincarefriends.co.uk/. They're a free portal for service users to find private individual carers that will provide care in their homes and you can really take your pick for a carer that would be best suited to your dads needs.
Linda_1906123 wrote:
Sat Oct 19, 2019 10:04 am
Hello,
I'm new on here and struggling at the moment with what to do.

My dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer back in April 2019. Hes had stents fitted and up until recently hes been eating ok.

Back in aug he broke his hip in a fall and so once home hes been very immobile and had to use a frame.

3 days ago he suddenly had no strength to even lift up to use his walker so is now spending his time in bed. I'm having to lift him onto commode etc next to the bed. Hes has gone downhill so quickly. He cant hold a spoon to eat, hes confused, can hardly speak or move and groans but isnt in pain.

Hes adamant no hospital and has a dnr from when having his hip surgery. I work 2 days a week and so far have been lucky that my daughters days off have been when I've worked as no one helps.

He has never had district nurse or anyone come to see us since April. Not sure who to contact and when or just sit here and watch over him till he passes or is in real pain.

Think I may have to leave work for a while.

Linda
How are you today?