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Hello & thank you. - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Hello & thank you.

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Mick_1707 wrote:
bowlingbun wrote: The same applies as far as outings are concerned. They shouldn't be putting pressure on her to do things she doesn't want to do, to "make memories".
Thank you but I still feel you have misinterpreted what I wrote and you are making a lot of assumptions.
I never stated that anyone was putting any pressure on my wife. It was about how I felt.
As I wrote it was not a rant or a whinge.
I think it is understandable (given your wife's diagnosis) that you want to spend as much time with her as possible - just the two of you and that, therefore, you 'resent' that time being taken away from you when family visit; but 'family' too want to spend time with your wife whilst they can. From their viewpoint they are lessening the pressures on you by visiting (although in my book actually 'staying' over is not very helpful, just provides more pressure !). You say that you miss your photography ? Could you not take some 'me' time whilst they visit to get out with your camera for a short time ?

Just a thought but, perhaps, a family 'conference' along the lines of "it's really lovely that you come and visit and we do appreciate your concerns BUT we would like to set some ground rules around your visits" would help ?Then you could specify how long their visits could be and how it is counter-productive and upsetting for the both of you for them to try and change your wife's diet etc.
Yes, I think a tactful (but firm!) 'family conference' would be a good idea.

I think one has to accept that there can be tensions between spouses and blood relations, especially when it comes to something like a 'tug of love' almost over the patient.....

And any pre-existing tensions can be accentuated in times of crisis.

I would definitely try and 'hand over' your wife to her family when they arrive, as in, take that opportunity not only to 'do your own thing' (all carers need breaks, to recharage) and also because that gives her own blood relatives 'time alone' with their sister/aunt/neice/daughter whatever, without your being there.

But it goes without saying that you are most definitely NOT 'the host' whose task is to 'entertain and feed' your wife's family!