Hi everyone,
I today decided to Google "carers forum" and this came up first! I think I got to the point in the early hours of this morning (Thursday) when I realised whatever I am doing to try and cope is not working and that I need to reach out and try to get whatever extra support I can get my hands on. I hope to give support back as well.
Supporting people and caring for people has been part of my life for a long time. It's been my occupation ever since I left school really. Carer. Support worker. Counsellor. I'm currently half way through a mental health nursing degree.
I live (literally) over the road from mum and dad. They both (and one parent especially) are dependent on me. One of them has complex mental health difficulties. The fact mental health is my "field" seems to make things more complicated for me, and add's to my feelings of shame and guilt at times, at my inability to deal with their needs at times. There is a lot of 'beating myself up' as my friends and family tell me I am the complete opposite of how I perceive myself as a carer. I view myself as selfish at times, inpatient, intolerant, harsh and with high expectations of them, especially one of them. Others tell me I am caring, committed, consistent and do more for them than anyone would, or could. They tell me that my mum and dad are almost blessed to have me living over the road.
Last night their neighbour rang my buzzer in the early hours of the morning. One parent had fallen over in the bathroom and an ambulance had been called. I haven't been sleeping well lately and it was the first time I had got to sleep before midnight without overusing sleep aids in a while. I really resented being woken up, didn't want to be over the road waiting for an ambulance, didn't want to be sleep deprived for the shift the next day (I'm on placement in a hospital ward as part of my nursing course). It was like the straw that broke the camels back. Once I get back to my flat in the evening after being over there to help with dinner, It's kind of like my "protected time".
Anyway, my whole attitude at this time, and the feelings of guilt and shame about how unhelpful I was led me to this point. I am not really coping very well.
The neighbour seems to understand. A couple of very long texts were swapped with me disclosing I am struggling. I've got onto Adult Social care today to try and get the ball rolling on a pendant/alarm system that one parent has been reluctant to accept previously. I know I need to deal with the alarm issues sensitively, as one parent really wants this system in place, the other is resistant.
Up shot of it all. If I don't cope better I won't be much good to them anyway, or myself. We all lose.
I'm going to have a good look around here, and try to contribute as well.
Even before this meltdown I've been passionate about how hard it must be for many carers out there. I've seen the policies about recognising the value and role of carers, and I've seen in reality these policies and good practice guidelines been virtually ignored by care coordinators and people that should know better.
When I qualify as a registered mental health nurse, I'll only need to be "slightly good" at carer recognition and support and that will mean being better than 99% of the professionals I've been around that are involved with my parents care.
I today decided to Google "carers forum" and this came up first! I think I got to the point in the early hours of this morning (Thursday) when I realised whatever I am doing to try and cope is not working and that I need to reach out and try to get whatever extra support I can get my hands on. I hope to give support back as well.
Supporting people and caring for people has been part of my life for a long time. It's been my occupation ever since I left school really. Carer. Support worker. Counsellor. I'm currently half way through a mental health nursing degree.
I live (literally) over the road from mum and dad. They both (and one parent especially) are dependent on me. One of them has complex mental health difficulties. The fact mental health is my "field" seems to make things more complicated for me, and add's to my feelings of shame and guilt at times, at my inability to deal with their needs at times. There is a lot of 'beating myself up' as my friends and family tell me I am the complete opposite of how I perceive myself as a carer. I view myself as selfish at times, inpatient, intolerant, harsh and with high expectations of them, especially one of them. Others tell me I am caring, committed, consistent and do more for them than anyone would, or could. They tell me that my mum and dad are almost blessed to have me living over the road.
Last night their neighbour rang my buzzer in the early hours of the morning. One parent had fallen over in the bathroom and an ambulance had been called. I haven't been sleeping well lately and it was the first time I had got to sleep before midnight without overusing sleep aids in a while. I really resented being woken up, didn't want to be over the road waiting for an ambulance, didn't want to be sleep deprived for the shift the next day (I'm on placement in a hospital ward as part of my nursing course). It was like the straw that broke the camels back. Once I get back to my flat in the evening after being over there to help with dinner, It's kind of like my "protected time".
Anyway, my whole attitude at this time, and the feelings of guilt and shame about how unhelpful I was led me to this point. I am not really coping very well.
The neighbour seems to understand. A couple of very long texts were swapped with me disclosing I am struggling. I've got onto Adult Social care today to try and get the ball rolling on a pendant/alarm system that one parent has been reluctant to accept previously. I know I need to deal with the alarm issues sensitively, as one parent really wants this system in place, the other is resistant.
Up shot of it all. If I don't cope better I won't be much good to them anyway, or myself. We all lose.
I'm going to have a good look around here, and try to contribute as well.
Even before this meltdown I've been passionate about how hard it must be for many carers out there. I've seen the policies about recognising the value and role of carers, and I've seen in reality these policies and good practice guidelines been virtually ignored by care coordinators and people that should know better.
When I qualify as a registered mental health nurse, I'll only need to be "slightly good" at carer recognition and support and that will mean being better than 99% of the professionals I've been around that are involved with my parents care.