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Hello - my partner has COPD - Carers UK Forum

Hello - my partner has COPD

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am new to the forum so if I make mistakes I apologise in advance.
My partner has had COPD for 7 years and had to give up work. He also has Sleep Apnoea. I carried on working and we coped well. Since I retired 2 years ago, things have changed a bit. He's getting worse - he's on oxygen 15 hours a day and the slightest thing gets him puffed. I can deal with things usually but what I find the hardest to deal with is the way he talks to me at times. He gets very sarcastic sometimes and talks to me as if I'm stupid. I appreciate he gets very frustrated at the way his life has changed but so has mine. We had all sorts of things planned in our retirement but now that's all changed. He gets very low and dwells on what he can't do rather than what he can. Everytime I try and suggest something, he won't listen and tells me I don't know what I'm talking about. I think he's depressed but if I suggest he talks to the doctor, he gets very angry and refuses to talk about it.
Does anyone else caring for someone with COPD have this problem?
Welcome Miss Read, I cannot help on your particular problem because my own two carees do not suffer from COPD. However I believe that the depression problem that carees tend to suffer from is applicable to every form of disability, I can always see, if I look back on my daily notes, that the mood my Mum & Dad are in most definitely reflects on my own mood. Although she is not my direct caree my Mam In Law was diagnosed with COPD last Christmas and she has gone from a very young and agile 86 year old to an old lady in a matter of months, we're all sure that her not being able to as she once could is causing a depression in her that is fast becoming a family depression for my Sis In Law's who do most of the caring for her. I may not have been much of a constructive help to you but maybe I can reassure that some of the more knowledgeable folks on this life saving forum will be able to assist you further xxxxx
Welcome to the forum. I don't have any knowledge of COPD, but understand how difficult things are for both of you, both robbed of all your dreams. I support my mum who lives alone but can't even brush her own hair or make her own cuppa, so carers come in three times a day. I can't turn the clock back or change anything, so my role is to ensure that she has interesting books to read, Sky TV to watch, I pick her favourite roses (gardening was her only hobby). I also have another caree, and was struggling last year for various reasons, so I had some counselling. It really helped me come to terms with what had happened, and how to juggle all the demands on my time. If your husband won't go to the doctor of have counselling, you can still have it.
Do you have any outside help, so you can take a break. It's so important that you have the chance to be a normal person now and then, and it might be good for your husband to have some different company too.
Welcome to the forum. (I keep looking at your name, one of my favourite authors had a pen-name Miss Read).
Welcome from me too....My hubby has COPD and struggles with the way it limits his ability to get out to his shed (sorry, workshop) even on a day he feels otherwise well.

Since becoming a full time carer I haven`t just developed thick skin I have the coat of an armadillo now and most of the comments just wash over me. Hubby takes umbridge at what other people say and gets uptight and it then manifests itself as "all your fault" (to me). I just leave the room and go back when he has stopped snorting and give him a cup of tea and the subject isn`t mentioned again unless he brings it up.xx
Hi and welcome Image
Hi Miss Read....welcome to the forum!!

I can understand how you feel...my hubby has (COPD) horrible disease....he has had it now for 10yrs and yes getting worse,so i know all about the frustration and depression that goes on in his head. He can't do any simple tasks now as his breathing is getting worse but he is not on any oxygen up to now but he gets infection after infection so i think he will have to be on antibiotics permanently.He goes into hospital on the 4thSeptember for an operation on his throat as he has got a voice problem so at the moment he is not a happy bunny!!!! Image

We both are retired as well so we too can't do what we would like.Never thought our retirement would end up like this!!!! Image
Well hope i have not bored you with my problems but it's nice to know we can try and help one another!! Hubby does not like to talk about it either but i go on the internet because it helps me to understand the disease a bit more.

Anyway you are not on your own so take care and look after yourself!!!

Hi all and thanks for your comments. I'm sorry to pour out everything on my first visit but then I guess that is what this forum is for - to sound off to people who understand Image

I do try and have some 'me' time - aerobics and zumba and also meet friends once or twice a month for coffee, but sometimes when I get back from a coffee meeting, my partner will say 'oh you are coming home then' which tends to deflate me a bit. I just ignore him and walk off somewhere else. We had an argument today re the going out too much so I'm not too bright at the moment Image

I try to keep in my head that it's the illness talking - so I take a deep breath and start again.

Thanks again for the support - much appreciated.
I also like Miss Read books - hence my username!!!!!
I like her books so much I gave birth to my daughter on Miss Read's birthday!!!!!
Did you know she died earlier this year?
I know the feeling with your other half wanting you there.I have just bought a pedometer to encourage me to walk more,and it does mean that I get a lot more time to myself when I am walking. It is very tough sometimes, he follows me all over the place until I am at screaming point.