[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Hello I'm newbie and looking for advice please - Carers UK Forum

Hello I'm newbie and looking for advice please

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi

I'm caring for my mum who is elderly and frail and has difficulties managing in her home. She lives in a big bungalow in woods with a few neighbours but they are not visible due to the size of the gardens.

My dad passed away almost 2 and half years ago which has left me as sole carer for my mum. My brother lives in another country and hardly ever visits. I work full time in nursing and live about 20 minutes away from my mum but recently have been helping her intensively since a fall and admission to hospital. My mum does not want any support at her home from packages of care.

I'd like some advice please as my mum's gardener has been involving himself in my mum's property and financial affairs with my brother. My mum and dad made me attorney on her EPA back in 2006. The gardener has got himself very ' in ' with my mum and I'm very concerned about it all. I raised the issue above with Social Services, but not much came of it as well as the police. This was a shock. I felt very isolated as a result.

I then decided to speak to the gardener via messaging about how I felt and that he wad not next of kin and explained to him my very real concerns. He then demanded an apology from me and then he would leave it at that. I did apologise but was also very clear with humans in about how I did not want his interference and involving himself in my mum's property affairs.

He now ignores me in front of my mum when I saw him for the first time after our messaging and recently he dumped my bed ,which I had brought down onto the lower ground living room whilst my mum was recovering, on its side in a mess in my room after my mum had asked him to kindly take it up the stairs for me. I was absolutely shocked when I came back from work to find this mess and then to have to sort it all out. My mum doesn't want to say anything to him about it as she has a huge garden and really relies on him to help. She pays him to work in her garden once a week.

Can anyone please give me any helpful advice about what I can do about this man, who is basically harassing me in my mum's home with no regard to me or my feelings at all. I'm feeling very vulnerable and alone. He lives in the village near my mum and has a lot of mates there where they go drinking in the local pub. I just feel really helpless against him and his treatment of me. It's difficult enough caring for my mum and working and I feel harassed by him in that role I have.

With thanks
Vivienne_1910 wrote:
Mon Oct 14, 2019 7:53 pm
Hi

I'm caring for my mum who is elderly and frail and has difficulties managing in her home. She lives in a big bungalow in woods with a few neighbours but they are not visible due to the size of the gardens.

My dad passed away almost 2 and half years ago which has left me as sole carer for my mum. My brother lives in another country and hardly ever visits. I work full time in nursing and live about 20 minutes away from my mum but recently have been helping her intensively since a fall and admission to hospital. My mum does not want any support at her home from packages of care.

I'd like some advice please as my mum's gardener has been involving himself in my mum's property and financial affairs with my brother. My mum and dad made me attorney on her EPA back in 2006. The gardener has got himself very ' in ' with my mum and I'm very concerned about it all. I raised the issue above with Social Services, but not much came of it as well as the police. This was a shock. I felt very isolated as a result.

I then decided to speak to the gardener via messaging about how I felt and that he wad not next of kin and explained to him my very real concerns. He then demanded an apology from me and then he would leave it at that. I did apologise but was also very clear with humans in about how I did not want his interference and involving himself in my mum's property affairs.

He now ignores me in front of my mum when I saw him for the first time after our messaging and recently he dumped my bed ,which I had brought down onto the lower ground living room whilst my mum was recovering, on its side in a mess in my room after my mum had asked him to kindly take it up the stairs for me. I was absolutely shocked when I came back from work to find this mess and then to have to sort it all out. My mum doesn't want to say anything to him about it as she has a huge garden and really relies on him to help. She pays him to work in her garden once a week.

Can anyone please give me any helpful advice about what I can do about this man, who is basically harassing me in my mum's home with no regard to me or my feelings at all. I'm feeling very vulnerable and alone. He lives in the village near my mum and has a lot of mates there where they go drinking in the local pub. I just feel really helpless against him and his treatment of me. It's difficult enough caring for my mum and working and I feel harassed by him in that role I have.

With thanks
Can you find another gardener or not? Have you talked with your mother?
As you have POA, it's time to take action to safeguard mum. Start at the bank, get statements. Check them carefully. Keep a diary of mum's situation especially the gardener. Make it clear to mum that if she doesn't take proper care of herself and accept help, then she has to take the consequences, which means she may end up in residential care. It is her choice. Does she have a Lifeline? CCTV would be a wise addition at home if she is isolated "to keep her safe" but also see what the gardener is up to. My mum had lots stolen by successive gardeners! You must step back now until she realises how much you have been doing.
Get rid of the gardener pronto and time for your mother to move
to a less isolated spot.
Vivienne, in my opinion what the gardener is doing is abuse. Please see this link:

https://www.elderabuse.org.uk/
Hello to you all and hope you've had a good day. It actually wasn't raining where I am. Thank you for your advice and for the link stsrfish :) looks promising. I must say it all just feels like a dream sometimes as though it just can't be happening, which makes it all more absurd. I'm going to start working on the gardener now and clip him into shape👍 Somehow i feel he's making his own mess and hopefully he'll be a thing of the past. Again thank you all very much deeply appreciated and sending you all much happiness