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Hello i'm new to this forum - Carers UK Forum

Hello i'm new to this forum

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Hi to all out there,

Not sure where to start really. I care full time for my husband who suffers from pain 24/7 in most of his joints, has nerve issues too, type 2 diabetic and suffers from depression. Good days are maybe one or two days a week where he will communicate like a human being, move about, take his meds etc but when he's bad he's a pain. He stays on the sofa where he either watches tv (24/7) or sleeps for days on end and won't take his meds. eat or drink more than a mouthful of squash. When he uses the bathroom (thankfully downstairs) all I get is a grunt as he shuffles past. I love him dearly but he needs to get his bum in gear. Any ideas ?
Hi Wendy and a warm welcome to the forum. Does hubby have any hobbies or interests that would occupy him? Would it be worth having a chat to the GP to see if an alternative medication would benefit hubby? x x
Hmm, what's he actually capable of doing? Non-stop pain is ghastly, drags anyone down - is it controlled as best as medical science can yet control it, or is there more that can be achieved (and is his not taking his meds contributing to it!)

I think the pain issue is the most important to address, because it 'takes over' our existence (not surprisingly), so, once you've established that (a) he's got the most pain relief possible and (b) what his remaining levels of pain actually prevent him being capable of (eg, is walking still painful when he is on max pain relief), and what his pain levels actually are on a 0-10 scale, only then can you work out what he is still actually physically capable of doing.

And then he's got to start doing it!

I say this because right now, he's 'living off you'. If he does nothing except lie on a sofa all day then presumably it's YOU who are doing the shopping, doing the housework, cooking the food, washing up the dishes, doing his laundry, serving meals (etc etc). He's living in Hotel Wendy, isn't he?

Well, to my mind, unless he's in physical agony (like Pain level 7 or 8 and upwards!) he just has to get off his backside and give you a hand (apols if he does do stuff already- then he just needs to do yet more until it's half shares!).

If he's reluctant to do so (!), then I'm afraid it's a question of you going 'on strike' - withdrawing your labour and closing down Hotel Wendy. I call it 'firm love'.

If you 'pander' to him, he has no incentive to get off the sofa at all, does he? And he won't lift his depression by lying torpid all day.

(PS - isn't squash the worst thing for diabetes????)
Ah, that is hard for you both. Any chance of you BOTH having a chat with his GP? Maybe just maybe the Community Mental Health team via the GP might be able to help a bit? Probably alas, a long waiting period :(.
GoP should definitely be made aware about the non compliance with his Meds. (Sorry to nag! Lol).

Hope you find a way forward.
jenny lucas wrote: (PS - isn't squash the worst thing for diabetes????)
No Jenny it isn't !
These days most are made with 'no added sugar' and are relatively low in fruit sugar - just check the labels. Pure fruit juice contains a much higher proportion of natural fruit sugar.
Glad to learn that! I guess most of us grew up at a time when 'squash' was very much derided as artificial 'junk' compared with 'healthy' natural fruit juice!! Took a while to realise that yes, fruit juice might be 'natural' but it's actually just sugar, and nothing much health about it. Eat the whole fruit (and not that often) if you want to be healthier.

Not sure I like the idea of drinking squash anyway - very artificial still, even if OK re diabetes.

But, each to their own! :)