Hello from Spain

[Brindleboy123]

I have just come across this forum and hope you will not mind me joining even though I live in Spain. Last year my father died. Dad had been my mum´s carer for many years and they were together every minute of the day. Mum has unfortunately had very poor health for many years and is now more or less unable to leave her bed other than to go to the bathroom. She has end stage COPD, osteoperosis, ulcerative colitis and other conditions which mean that she is taking around 55 pills a day plus oramorph every 3 hours. She has been on oramorph for several years and to be honest it doesn´t really have that much of an impact as I guess her body is used to it now. Mum is also now depressed which I can completely understand.

When Dad died Mum went to live with my sister and I came over to England once a month for a week or so to look after her in her own home as she was then able to travel in the car. Sadly, the relationship between my sister and my mum broke down and I therefore arranged for mum to have home care and more recently care through the night.

I go over for at least a week each month and phone Mum constantly through the day. It is very hard as each time I go back she seems to have deteriorated a little more. I know she wants to die to be with my Dad but says she is also scared. It has been her fighting spirit over the years that has kept her going but she seems to be losing that now. We had a bad time recently when mum was getting really confused and this was how it resulted in me arranging for someone to be there throughout the night.

My husband is extremely understanding and even stayed here over Christmas so that I could be with Mum for a few days so that she wouldn´t be on her own over the christmas period. Life is very difficult and I do feel torn between being with my husband and my mum. Thank you for listening to me rant on

[Myrtle]

Hello and welcome
It must be really difficult juggling home and caring in 2 different countries.

[Brindleboy123]

Thank you Myrtle. It really is hard, I worry about my Mum constantly and when I am with her I am also missing home! My elderly aunt and uncle also live two doors from my Mum and when I am in England I care for them too...shopping etc etc. Uncle is very ill but refuses to have any hospital treatment so I go from house to house and when here phone them all! I don´t know what I would have done without the social worker and hospice nurses they have been a god-send.

I am humbled by the many stories that I have read on here. I realise my situation is very different from others on here, but I am also very grateful to have an outlet that I get things off my chest. I sometimes think that in a way I have taken over the role of my dad as Mum is now unable to really cope with many decisions etc and relies on me to ensure that everything in life runs smoothly. My husband is excellent, but I try not to burden him with my feelings and to keep smiling. His son died at 14 just 7 years ago and he has had enough sadness in his life without me adding to it. Don´t get me wrong he is very supportive.

Anyway....off I go again! Thank you for the welcome.

[Natalie1982]

hello and welcome im also new

[Bluebird]

Hello and welcome.
It is worrying enough caring for people that we live with, I cannot imagine how stressful it is for you living away. All the travelling must just add to the stress. Your husband sounds lovely and supportive.
There are loads of friendly people on here and we all help each other in anyway we can. We also have a good laugh which helps us all.
Look forward to your posts but please don't tell us how sunny it is for you when we are shivering
Bluebird

[susieq]

Hi Brindleboy

I feel for you - I find it hard enough juggling looking after my Mum and leading my own life from a distance of 2 miles How on earth do you cope from Spain

If you look around on here you'll probably find lots of advice and tips - especially with regard to what help and assistance is available. I expect Rosemary will be along soon to direct you to the most relevant parts of the website.

In the meantime feel free to moan, rant and let it all out - we've all been there so know what you're going through. Plus we're all very friendly and non-judgemental

best wishes
susieq

[JohnT]

Hi Brindleboy nice to meet you and welcome to the forum

[rosemary]

Just wanted to add my welcome too and hope you feel at home right away.
The main site has a wealth of information too that you might find useful.

Rosemary

[Brindleboy123]

Spent quite a lot of time on the phone today trying to organise different things for Mum. Made some headway though...social worker seems to think that she will get permission from powers that be for Mum to continue having someone stay overnight so long as I give my assurance that I will continue to come back to the UK for a week every 3 weeks. I will of course. Dr visited and seems to think that the swelling in my mums arms and feet (water retention) is slightly improved but she does have another chest infection. More anti-biotics...must now be up to nearly 60 a day! Funny thing is when the carers come in the morning they say they have to watch her take her medication....Mum always tells them they better make theirselves comfortable ´cos it takes her most of the day! Off they go!

Care and Repair came and replaced taps for mum in bathroom and kitchen. As Mum can´t get down to see the kitchen the man took a photo on his phone to show her..bless him! Didn´t need to pay either which is a god send as Dad was in the army years ago. They have been really good and fitted locks to windows, doors etc. Some services they provide if someone in the family has been in the services.

Doctor also visited uncle..more pills for him too and if no improvement, hospital. Dont think he will go though.

Been quite a day...but positive. Sun was shining and here in Spain 3 Kings visit tonight with pressies...shoes are outside in anticipation with a note to say I have been a good girl!