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Hello - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Although I look after my dad I don't know if I am classed as a carer. My mum and dad had been married 57 years when my mum passed away. My dad is devastated, he is nearly 89 and has never had to look after himself before. Sadly his memory is not good so I go to see him as often as I can, I do his washin, ironing, shopping and deal with all his bills and any other paper work he has. He still lives at the home he and mum shared for over 50 years but I would like him to come and live me and my family but he refuses to move. I don't know what to do! I do have a brother but he just says that I fuss too much and that he should do what he likes at his age. Anyone have any views on this. Olso the question about me being a carer I just think of it as my duty to my dad because that would bve what my mum would have wanted. Sorry that this is so long but it is hard trying to discuss this with anyone.
Hello Kat

Welcome to the forum!

Its not an easy situation to be in caring and worrying about your Dad as he is not living with you, but he is probably not wanting to leave as he has all those years of memories of your dear Mum. Though it can't be easy on you running back and forth and worrying in between. Maybe if you give him time and then try to approach it by saying that you and the family would really love to have him come stay, which you probably already have! Does he have any other people visit him that might be able to talk him around to the idea?

I'm sorry I can't be any help, but hope that others will be able to advise from experience.

Take care
Maryann x
Thanks for that Maryann, maybe in time he will be able to come with us.
Hi Katdan

Welcome to the forum - I look after my Mum, she's always lived with me since Dad died so I was never in your situation. Maybe your Dad feels closer to your Mum if he stays in their marital home, all you can do is support him until he decides it's time to move onto the next chapter of his life

Keep us posted on your situation.

Paula xx
Thanks for that Paula, I am just waiting for SS to get back to me to see if there is any support in his area. The worst thing for me is that dad's memory is really declining, he knows who we all are but repeats himself all the time and I can't be sure if he is remembering to eat. It is such a worry for me and about the only thing I think about.