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Hello - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Breezey wrote:
Wed Aug 10, 2022 12:48 pm
I was thinking the lure of being near to family and seeing you and grandchildren locally could entice your father to move. The double advantage, family close by and friends at a residential residence.
Yes, you would think so but my Dad is quite unusual is some regards. He had little to no input with me and my brother as we were growing up and he's never really cared for anything or anyone before. He left his Moms to live with my Mom and she treated him as a king all her life. I don't think this was that unusual at the time, my Dad feels that being the main earner means he has fulfilled his marital obligations, even though my Mom worked too as well as doing all the housework, bringing us kids up, doing all the decorating and DIY, (even losing several finger on a circular saw!), she was the only one that drove until much later and generally kept things together. I left home quite young, moved away and had nothing much to do with my parents for around 30 years. You're probably wondering by now why I want to look out for him anyway :) When my Mom died, me, my Dad and my brother were pretty useless. We let her down and she died alone in hospital. The last thing she said to me was "look after your Dad" and I promised I would. (we lost my brother a couple of years after my Mom).
I'm at home in Cambridge today, firt time in many weeks. it's the first time I've left him with the carers so I'm pretty concerned. I'm going to post some basic questions elsewhere on here to try and get some more info before I go back to my dads tomorrow afternoon.
Breezey wrote:
Tue Aug 09, 2022 5:59 pm
If it is a long time since you mentioned moving to your father, it could be worth asking again.
If it has been recent be honest to him and say you can't carry on with it.

Take the approach to him that you are both struggling now, it is an effort for you and before it becomes a struggle and impossible for you, how about coming to a residential place near us and seeing your grandchildren more and having some friends at the home, a social life there.

Be honest that you are struggling and don't know how much longer you can do this, because it is about you as well.
Thanks, I think this weekend without me and maybe a couple of weeks away will make him see sense.
Here's hoping he will, if not, give it time and hopefully not before long he will.
Good luck.
Deathbed promises always seem desperately unfair.
In your case particularly unfair because your dad didn't take much interest in you!