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Newbie needing help - Carers UK Forum

Newbie needing help

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Hi everyone,firstly I must apologise if I'm in the wrong place as I am new to all this stuff.3 weeks ago my wife was sectioned and is still in hospital,she is suffering with anxiety and depression with psychosis which led to an attempted suicide.She has been put on medication but that's pretty much all they have done,can anyone give me some advice on what possibly lies ahead for us,although she is no longer in denial of her paranoia she is struggling to believe she can get thru it.
Also my head is swirling with the whole benefits thing,everyone I've spoke to just seem to pass the buck and say 'ring' citizens advice or Dwp,aaargh
I have read some of the posts on here and I just don't know how people cope,I don't know if I could manage to be honest.well that s enough for now,any advice will be appreciated,thanks
Julian hi and welcome.

No wonder you're reeling - you're in shock too, I should imagine, and not in the least surprised.

The GOOD thing is that something has happened - ie, your wife is in hospital, where she is safe, and where balls can start rolling. So, in that sense, sectioning, though shocking, obviously, and scary, is really a big step forward.

However, of course you are reeling, and the practicalities, as you say, re benefits etc, can be daunting.

Do read around on this site - both the forum itself (quite a lot on MH in partners and children, sadly), but also on the Info sections, plus, of course, you can contact the team of experts at Carers UK to guide you through what you and your wife may now be entitled to - we are told it's best to email, as the helpline is usually engaged....emails get replied to in a day or so.

Also you can ask direct questions, of members here, as so many have had to wrestle with the dwp etc etc so have got (several!) tee-shirts on it all.

One of THE best things about this forum is how it's a 'safe' place for carers to vent their fears, frustrations, emotions, angers etc etc etc, as whatever our own caring responsibilities, which vary a great deal as you can see from the subject headings, nevertheless we all are 'in it together' as in, we know the stress that caring imposes, whatever the source of the care needs of our carees.

So, hopeing that the forum ,and the site itself, can help 'guide you along' at this scary, beweildering time, wishing you well, Jenny
Julian, has your wife got a job and s she therefore getting statutory sick pay?

Have you got any dependent children?
Julian, may I just say that what strikes me as the most 'upbeat' aspect of what is happening is that your wife is no longer in denial about her paranoia. That is the ESSENTIAL 'first step' towards healing. So so many people with MH are 'stuck in denial' so it's impossible for them to 'move on' as they 'don't see why they need to' (!)

Even if she is struggling to believe she can get through it, the main thing is that she IS 'struggling' - it's the start of her 'fight back' to a happier state of mind.

I would say the 'next step' is to try and get a handle on just WHY she is the way she is - what the causes, likely or varied as they may be, including 'mysterious' to an extent (ie, not immediately obvious) of her paranoia etc are.

Drugs can play a vital 'stabilising' role and 'buy time' in that they act as liferafts, so to speak, to let the person cling to them without 'endlessly drowning'. They may not, in themselves, be a 'cure', but one also has to acknowledge that, in the end, 'whatever works' to make your wife happier, providing the sideeffects/downside is not 'worse' than the condition itself (and sometimes that can be a close call, alas - after all, in life, 'owt for nowt' tends to be a pretty constant 'rule' - ie, we always have to pay a price of some sort), if it works, then it is justified.

EVEN IF, say, your wife needed to live 'on meds' for the rest of her life to make her life 'bearable' etc, is that not better than having a life that seems to her 'unbearable'?

I'm not saying 'drugs alone' are the answer, but they are a start. Personally, (as in, just my own belief system) all MH is 'caused' by 'something' and though, yes, it might simply be some form of inherent biochemical imbalance in the brain (a valid line of reasoning after all), until one has explored all the possible 'environmentla' causes (ie, life experiences) I don't think one should assume it's a-causal (ie, 'only' the genetic disposition to under or over express the correct balance of biochemicals).

Do remember that early trauma can be 'blanked' as a protective/survival mechanism, and that careful and patient psychoanalysis can 'tease out' the causes of the psychotic 'maladaptation' to what caused it in the first place.

That may not be so, of course, but I would 'assume', that her psychiatrist will want to see if they can identify 'likely life causes' and if' detected, to 'treat' them with psychotherapy to, in lay terms, 'exorcise' them, or at least enable her to 'manage' them in a less drastic way than that which has triggered this crisis.

Wishing you both well, and a much better future eventually. I truly believe we are 'born to be happy' and when things go wrong, we have 'opportunities' to make our lives happy again.... even when that is difficult or daunting, or, indeed, incomplete and limited if the causes are 'incurable'.

Kindest regards, Jenhy
Sometimes ECT is offered, which tends to dampen down memory
Julian_1707 wrote: Also my head is swirling with the whole benefits thing,everyone I've spoke to just seem to pass the buck and say 'ring' citizens advice or Dwp,aaargh
Hello Julian

afraid I'm going to do the same and suggest that you contact the Carers UK Adviceline team regarding benefits etc. Although we can give you some advice from our own experiences the Adviceline team are the experts and will give you advice tailor made to your own situation.
Need expert advice? You can talk to the Carers UK Adviceline five days a week, no matter where you are in the UK or how complex your query is. We do benefits checks and advise on financial and practical matters related to caring.

Freephone: 0808 808 7777
email: advice@carersuk.org
Open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm

The Carers UK Adviceline also includes a listening service, there for you to talk through your caring situation with a trained volunteer who understands what you are going through. Available Mondays and Tuesdays, from 9am to 7pm.
If you can’t get through on the phones (lines are often oversubscribed) then send them an email, they’ll usually get back to you within 3-5 working days.
Hi Julian
For everything to do with mental health issues the Mind website is brilliant. Most of the pages are written as if addressed to the sufferer but there is plenty there for carers too.
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-sup ... Xi1SsbTW2c

Somewhere on it there is info re sectioning, and in benefits.
It's a large site, but so worthwhile getting to know. They have help lines too.