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Hello! - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I'm Jess, and I never realised I would be considered a carer till today...although it gives some acknowledgement to the upset and effort and a better way to explain.

My husband (25) has severe depression and anxiety, been trying several antidepressants, but nothing seems to help. He's just convinced everybody hates him and he's a failure. He also has ADHD and Asperger syndrome, and just to make life easy I have Asperger's too. On top of that, he's had 5 months off work, and is about to run out of sick leave (down to half pay) which we can't afford. I graduated around last year and can't manage to find a job, leaving us very skint, which I'm sure is some of the problem!

I'm really struggling at the moment..I have no idea who I live with, but it's not who I married! I'm only 23, will life always be like this?
Hi Jess, and welcome.

Sorry to hear that things are so tough. I don't have any miracle answers, I'm afraid, but the first thing I did think of is whether you've called the helpline to check that you're receiving all the financial help/benefits that you are entitled to?
Hi Jess and welcome,

no wonder you are finding life tougher than usual at the moment. I agree with MumWhoCares, it is worth contacting the helpline.

There are quite a few other carers on here who are coping with depressed carees, so hopefully they will be along soon to respond to your post. There are also carers on here who will understand,
..I have no idea who I live with, but it's not who I married!
due their husbands/partners having acquired brain injuries, mental health problems and also dementia. So you should find some good support.

I look after S and he has autism.

Hi, welcome to the forum. The helpline made me £50 per week better off, so I'm happy to sing their praises!
Hi Jess welcome and I too would recommend the helpline to start with. Keep well.
Hi Jess,

I'm so sorry to read about your difficulties, it's so hard dealing with health issues that 'can't be seen'. All this weight on such young shoulders. I was lucky, in that the worst of my husband's mental ill health, didn't manifest until I was around 45. At 23 I was nursing, and was plagued only by the usual stuff that life brings to the table at that age. (All very tame in the scheme of things). But here you are in the thick of it when you should be dealing with the more accepted age related angst.

The thing is, the mind is very delicate, (if we let it be) and so many things can influence it's ebb and flow. We all have different personalities and some of us are more susceptible in having that balance impaired. People will refer to it, who aren't as tuned in, as strong or weak....well neither of the latter descriptions are entirely true or false. What you see isn't always the truth, and people, myself included, jump to their conclusions and judgements very quickly. I have tried to balance this error in human trait with looking at my reactions to people's 'troubles', and I hope, if nothing else, it arms me with a sincere understanding of the deep distress we all feel at times in our lives. So many times I have just read other members entries on the forum and that has helped sooth me when I was feeling less able to cope.

Finances make matters worse, and here you are struggling on that front too. As others have already said, there is help with getting those things in order or hopefully more manageable on this site, so please do enquire, they are quite savvy from what I've heard, so get the practical things out of the way, and then you can give time to searching for what may help you as a couple, struggling with this type of health issue.

I still struggle at 57, but I am able to quickly get back on track, we have to manage so many things don't we? Do your best, trust your instincts and don't doubt yourself.

For what it's worth I can understand what you are going through, and although I can't do anything to change your situation, I can acknowledge your difficulties. Take care, I know a lot of people on here who do.

Treez x