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jenny lucas Online
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- Posts: 9648
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:39 pm
Thu May 29, 2014 12:32 pm
Hi - I'm in a similar situation. The only person around for my 89 yo MIL (her surviving son is in the USA, so whilst appreciative of what I'm doing, can't give any practical help).
What I've learnt, painfully, is that to have any life at all, you have to be a bit ruthless. Thankfully (for me!) my MIL has recently moved into a supported living place, which she is not keen on, but she doesn't want (or can't) do her own food any more, so independent living isn't really on any more. I'd have to sort out and oversee etc etc daily carers, which is very restricting for me. The 'deal' I've done is that she can come to me over the weekend, and for tea during the week. But she is not thrilled about it, I know!
But when there is absolutely no one else to 'share' an elderly person's care with, then you either give up your own life entirely, or you 'ruthlessly' get a paid professional to do it.
It sounds like you have your mum not with you, which is good (for you)(and hopefully for her!).
But the 'worry' is always there, and even when they are not with you, you remain the 'backstop' and the person on call, while they are still alive. And the caree does tend to 'rely' on you, and expect you to sort everythign out for them in their life (I'm currently selling, and clearing, my MIL's old flat - no one else to do it.) (BUT, even a quick read of other people's posts here about their incredibly difficult and often heartbreaking situations makes me realise that so, so many carers and carees have it far, far worse - so I am VERY grateful for the 'mildness' of my situation and my MIL's!)
I hope you find this forum helpful - it was fantastic for me when I first got 'landed' with my MIL announcing she didn't want to live on her own any more, and I turned into a carer overnight. This site was a godsend and I'm so appreciative of all the advice I've had here.