What do you do when everything you do is criticised?

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Hi everyone. My mom is recovering from a serious operation. It seems i can't do anything right.
Just yesterday she said that i'd done nothing for her all afternoon, she'd gone to bed!!
I am not a mind reader. Why not ask me for a cup of tea instead of becoming stroppy, making it yourself and then having a go at me?
Say in that case, she can find someone else. She is an adult, and has a tongue (sharp enough to make ungrateful comments). Either she should say something nicely, i.e. "Please may I have...or she should shut up. She's so lucky to have someone around to help her after a major op. Is she getting her 6 weeks free Reablement Care?
Oh dear! A familiar story alas on these boards - 'tetchy parents'!!

That said, do check she is taking ALL the pain meds she is supposed to be taking after an operation. Do NOT let her say 'oh, I don't need them'....post-op pain is severe (not surprisingly) and she's probably on a pretty high dose of paracetamol at the very least, and needs to be on that dose for probably several weeks.

Her generation are often very 'spartan' about pain meds, and seem to think it turns them into cissies or something, and that they 'should' be able to do without them.

But chronic pain DOES make folk short termpered and irate (again, not surprisingly).

Are you living with her or her with you, and do you have to be 'with' her all the time?

I guess you could simply say to her at regular intervals, 'Mum, is there anything you want?' and if she doesn't say 'yes a cup of tea, please' (note PLEASE by the way!), then if she gets stroppy again you are entitled to be short with her and say, I DID ask, Mum!

I think a lot depends on whether it is just the post op situation that is making her this tetchy with you, or whether she is always like that. Old age doesn't always improve someone's character (sadly, of the reverse, and the very elderly can be very 'selfish and unappreciative' etc. ) What was she like (a) before the op and (b) before she was 'old'.

Parents can continue to treat their adult children as if they were 'little children' and be sharp and give orders and issue complaints and criticism. You don't have to put up with that, and it's perfectly OK to say 'Mum, I'm not rude and sharp to YOU, so please don't be rude and sharp to me, because I will simply up sticks and leave you to it!'

Ironically, she's far more likely to get 'better treatment' by you if she is NICE to you, and appreciative of what you're doing for her.

What's she like with others? Again, it's common for them to be 'sweetness and light' to everyone else, and reserve their carer-children to be their whipping girls/boys. NOT acceptable!
Can I ask what operation she has had?
Does she have to do any exercises, or any other post of treatment to aid her recovery? Is she actually doing it?