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Hallo! - Carers UK Forum

Hallo!

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Hi, I have both my parents living with me, my husband and son. My dad is 85 and has advanced kidney disease and is very wobbly on his legs and little use of his arms. My mum was diagnosed with mild/ moderate dementia last year, which we refer to as her 'memory problems', although we all know what it is.

I joined this forum last week when I was actually feeling quite desperate; my dad was very poorly - he's not on dyalisis yet, and his kidneys have been quite stable for many months, but he's been going downhill for several weeks then rallying. We have to help him upstairs to bed and sometimes he just sinks to the ground. He keeps moaning about his mattress being uncomfortable - which seems to be the only thing he can think about! I have tried him with three, starting with a very expensive memory foam one, and nothing is right. Seems a minor thing for me to be stressed about, but it was assuming monsterous proportions: he's just not well enough for me to take him to choose yet another, but if I choose one and it's wrong, well.....

I could see mum getting stressed as we all were, we just didn't know what to do and didn't really know where to get any help or what was available. I spoke to his doctor, who advised me to talk to social services, who were very helpful ( thankfully, as I was worried about others experiences with them, which had put me off contacting them) and are coming to do some assessments to see what help they can give. I work part time, but have to make sure that mum and dad are downstairs and settled before I go to work. Mum's brilliant and does a lot for dad, probably too much, but they will have been married 60 years in December, so I although I say that he can do some things for himself, there's no stopping her.

Then yesterday I really wasn't happy about Dad's enormously fat ankles, he retains fluid anyway and I could hear a whistling in his chest, so called the dr, who thankfully sent him off to the renal unit in Brighton, where he is now for some tests. Personally, and what do I know, but I think it points to his kidneys failing, so it may be dialysis for him if he wants to go down that route. He hs a fistula in place ready. When I talked to him about it, he said, well what sort of life will I have after that? I hope it will make him feel better and not so tired and fed up, but who knows? Image

What I feel guilty about is how stress free we feel this morning being able to do our own thing, having someone else in charge of looking after him for a few days. It's like a huge weight has been lifted. I know it's temporary, but I feel like we have to make the most of it. I'm hoping that social services will not delay in helping us find some solutions, because we really need some help. My mum and I were both in tears yesterday, because it was the first time she had said she couldn't cope with him. I always have to try and be positive for them all, but I joined in too, as that's how I feel. Image

Sorry for this long rant, I promise anything in the future won't be as long.
Hi Dazmum, welcome to the forum, feel free to rant as much or as little as you want, lots of lovely people with good advice on here. Image
Hi Dazmum and welcome to the forum. Plenty of support and advice to be found on here.

I was carer for my Nan who had kidney problems and had the same problem re her mattress, as the kidney disease progressed further the more uncomfortable she got, it was all a result of her getting many more aches and pains because of the kidney disease and we were advised by the GP and consultants that it would be a waste of money to keep replacing the mattress as the problem was with Nan's aches.

Karen
Thank you Paulingreece and Karen! That's really interesting what you have to say about the mattress and kidney problems, I will mention it to the hospital when I go tonight to see what they advise. Having said that he always seems to sleep well, could also be down to having to sleep in the same position because of a neck problem too. It's been like the story three bears here, he's tried his own original matress, then my mums, then his new luxury one, my son's new one, mum's again and back to my son's!! I was hoping one would be just right, but no luck!
hi Dazmum and welcome.
Hello and welcome Image
Thank you!
Hello and welcome