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Carers UK Forum • Grandad wants to live with us - Page 4
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Re: Grandad wants to live with us

Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2019 4:03 pm
by thara_1910
Hello and welcome!

This is frankly quite scary. Can you ask the police for help or not? I know that there are ways to protect vulnerable adults from harm too. Add motion detectors or install security cameras and lights outside in front. Also keep a watch outside for uncle. Do you own a dog? It is a effective deterrent.

See if you can invest in a burglar alarm in addition just in case. It sounds honestly like you could all do with a few additional forms of protection for a while. And of course keep a log of calls so you can report this to the local police and also the phone company.

Re: Grandad wants to live with us

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 8:30 am
by Denis_1610
Hello again, Kkr. This is not my idea of "everything's going well". Grandad says he wants to die! That's dreadful! These should be the golden years of his life.

It sounds as though Uncle is a sad man too; he has never established a proper place in society since leaving the Army. He seems to have mood swings too, possibly a mental problem there.

Nevertheless, you are not going to resolve this without strong action. There needs to be a restraining order on Uncle.

Two months have passed by and nothing has improved. May I kindly suggest that you do not lose any more time in deliberating whether or not you have enough evidence to involve the police? Just do it!

Harassment is a criminal offence. You appear to have evidence in the form of text messages. The police can probably recommend ways in which you could collect further evidence.

Find a solicitor as well; there is more than harassment going on. There are many out there and Citizens' Advice can help you to choose one specialised in family matters like this.

Re: Grandad wants to live with us

Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2019 1:48 am
by Alan_19111
Your Uncle sounds like he needs serious help. I'm guessing he has lost his money tree (Granddad) and now has to fend for himself.
Don't call the police, just tell this sick man his gravy train is over and if you ever see him again there will be serious consequences and he will spend two years in jail..

Re: Grandad wants to live with us

Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2019 2:42 pm
by Denis_1610
Hello again, Kkr. I think Alan is right when he says your uncle needs serious help. I think Alan is suggesting an ultimatum. However I don't think prison is the answer. Let's go through this.

You have been telling your uncle time and time again to leave Grandad alone. If you tell him once more, will he take any notice? - NO!

Have you the power to put him in prison? - NO! Only a court can do that and decide length of sentence.

So is a man who threatens to attack your family with a knife likely to respond to threats you make, which he knows you cannot carry out? -NO! So no more threats - an ultimatum.

Will Uncle be destitute if he can no longer filch Grandad's account? I doubt it. He served many years in the Army and probably climbed the ranks. He should have a pretty decent pension. That's why he chose not to work after leaving the Army.

Let me tell you a story.

I once knew a man who suffered from bipolar syndrome. Most of the time he was a cheerful, affable person, happy to have a chat and share a joke. But if one caught him on a bad day he was not a pleasant man to deal with. His mental condition led him to crime. A victim notified the police and he was sent to the crown court. The judge ordered him to pay back the thousands of pounds he had obtained by fraud. He was not sent to prison. He was sectioned to a mental hospital, where he received appropriate care.

There seem to be similarities between this case and your uncle. Against popular belief, British law is more concerned with rectifying unacceptable behaviour than with punishment. The main purpose of prison is to protect the public from dangerous people.

Reading through this thread again, I get the impression that your Mum may be a bit reserved about involving the law. It is understandable that people may not want to "shop" close relatives. You need to remind your Mum how much her dad is suffering; is it reasonable to carry on like this? You may need to stand up to Mum; she can't stop you going to the police.

So give Uncle that final warning, preferably on one of his "better" days. Keep repeating the sentence, "Grandad does not want to live with you." When he next oversteps the boundaries, as he will, go to the police and tell them everything, together with all the evidence you can gather. By the way, get the number of Grandad's phone changed.

The police can help in many ways, not only in setting up a restraining order but in seeing that Uncle gets suitable counselling. It's time to get that ball rolling.