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Grandad wants to live with us - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Grandad wants to live with us

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Keira,

All this is very, very serious Keira, and you cannot try to resolve this on your own.

How much has been withdrawn by uncle?
Money once taken from an account will never be returned. Please contact dad's bank and explain your concerns. They have a duty to protect their vulnerable customers. Also tell Social Services and dad's GP.

As far as washing up is concerned, the solution is simple. Grandad needs a dishwasher.
Laundry? He needs a tumble dryer, or a washer dryer.

As you are already caring for a disabled step son, then moving in with you really isn't a long term option for Grandad, use the word CANNOT very clearly to him. I had a housebound mum and a son with severe learning difficulties. My son couldn't speak up for himself, so he had to take top priority. As far as mum was concerned, my role was more of Care Manager, not hands on provider. She lived 6 miles away, had basic things done for her by Social Services, getting dressed and washed in the morning, meals etc. and I did the things the carers couldn't or wouldn't, like pick the raspberries in her garden, cut her flowers and lots of other things she liked. I dealt with all her finances. This is the sort of role you need as far as grandad is concerned, so he can live happily in his own home.
I think we're going against everyone's advice here but we are bringing grandad to ours tomorrow morning!
His house will be kept so if it doesn't work out he can go back to his house & we'll go from there.
I just can't leave him!
Hi Keira,
Against advice or not, it's what you feel you need to do. We will be so pleased for you if it all works out well and wish you all the best.
Let us know how it goes because every situation is different and it will be good to hear a contented carer story.
IF you ever need any suggestions or advice please post. We never do the 'told you so' bit, so consider us 'here and listening', good news or not so good, you'll always be welcome.
KR :)
We were NOT suggesting that you "just leave him" but that he stays in his home and support is provided by Social Services.

Please act on our advice about the apparent theft of grandad's money by your uncle.
So grandad came to ours this morning, my uncle has only just noticed!
He's sent me texts basically saying I've kidnapped his dad, demanding I bring him back now, he's going to call the police, etc.
I replied saying grandad asked to stay with me for a few days, I haven't mentioned anything about it being permanent & that if he wants to call the police go ahead as grandad can tell them himself where he wants to be.
He has rang my mum shouting at her, saying he's going to hit my husband (she thinks he'll do this just to get my husband to react, so he can use it against us).
I have had to tell my grandad what's going on obviously incase the police arrive, he got quite upset & said he doesn't want to go with my uncle. I'm wondering if something has happened that my grandad isn't telling us, I definitely get the impression that he is scared of him.
Please keep your phone on you.
When your uncle rings, record his calls.
Do NOT open the door to him until you have your phone on video record.
If he lays one finger on your husband, he has demonstrated conclusively that he is not fit to care for a vulnerable old man. Maybe this is why grandad is so keen to stay with you for the time being.

In my family, I'm known for saying "it will all come out eventually". No need to question someone directly, when the time is right grandad will tell you more.
You can make a comment like "I was really worried about you, Uncle Fred seems to have a very short temper these days...."

Does uncle have a long reputation for being aggressive?
Grandad has said uncle has terrible mood swings.
A few months back when my uncle 1st suggested moving to Wales & my grandad refused, he stopped cooking his evening meals for a few days. Grandad told my mum during a regular phone call, mum spoke to uncle & it was resolved!
I haven't been happy with him since then as we have no idea if this has happened previously.

Myself, brother & mum all had lots of abuse last night via texts, we all gave calm replies, but he has now told us all not to contact him ever again.
There was an incident years ago when Nan was alive, she told her carers that uncle had hurt her, she used to soil herself during the night, so he got regular calls through out the night to change her, he'd been very rough with her apparently. They reported it to social services who did an investigation but Nan went back on what she originally said & told them she was confused.
She convinced us all nothing happened, but now we'rere wondering if it really did.
I hope you have saved those texts, don't delete them before printing them off.
Have you thought about changing the locks on Granddad's house?