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Giving up work - Carers UK Forum

Giving up work

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
My wife is currently in hospital and I am considering giving up work to care for her. She has a blood disorder and is registered disabled. I think she needs 24 hour care now, but it will be a culture shock giving up work. I'll be asking some questions about benefits on the other pages.

We are Alan and Freya, and live near Dartford, Kent.
Hi Alan
Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear your wife is not so good. Before you do anything permanent test and try all sorts of scenarios.

Duncaring
Will do. Thanks.
While your wife is in hospital do not say that you are giving up work. Ask them to arrange help at home and then see how your wife gets on with that. Sometimes it can be erratic and sometimes the caree just wants the main carer all the time. Also kit up you r house with washer dryer dishwasher and anything else that you find helpful.

Duncaring
it's such a big thing, giving up work, both financially, obviously, but also psychologically.

When theres some kind of emergency, or dramatic change in circumstances, like hospitalisation, it's very easy, tempting even, to go into 'emergency mode' yourself, and think dramatic solutions are the only possible ones.

But giving up work totally might prove irreversible, so should be, I would say for myself, a last resort, rather than a first resort. I agree to try to keep it going for a while, at any rate, and then, if you do decide you need to be 24/7 with your wife, it will be after you've tried not to be, but it's proved it doesn't work, so you may feel happier in your mind then.

Also, is there any possibility you could work part time perhaps? It could be that part time working, either some of each day, or a few days a week, would be a compromise, and your wife can manage with outside carers while you are at work for a limited period of each week?

Another possible option to see if it's possible, might be to bring work home at all?

All the very best, and hope you find a solution that suits both you and your wife.
Hi Alan. Its always a shock when someone is disabled and in hospital, but please dont give up your job yet. Lots of people on here work as well as caring - Im one of them.
Before your wife is discharged from hospital she should have a discharge plan, but hospitals are notoriously slack at organising it. If they know that you are going to be on hand then everyone just assumes that you will do everything Image You need to make sure that there is a hospital discharge plan before she is discharged and that it is done assuming that you will be at work.
You may find that with care workers going in a few times a day and extra support like a care-line (to call for help in emergencies) that you will be able to continue working.
After a while you may decide that you do need to give up work, but try other avenues first as when you give up you cant go back.
Thanks for all the advice.
Having said what I've said above, I'd also say the complete opposite!

It could well be that, in the coming weeks after discharge, you come to the conclusion that with your wife ill, you are simply not going to 'waste' your time in work, but seize the opportunity to spend as much time as you possibly can with your wife.

One 'upside' of illness is that it can make us see the true values in our life, and make our priorities clear.

The old saying 'no one ever died with the words "I wish I'd spent more time at the office"' is usually true....

(However, reverting to my original post, another reason for not giving up work is that you may find that you do need a 'break' from being the constant carer, and having had a break at the office, you find returning to your wife's bedside more pleasureable than if you never can get away. Remember 'Caring is Wearing'....with the best, best will in teh world, and all the love in the world, it can grind you down with its relentless day by day by day obligations, so breaks can become really essential for your well being. And who knows, maybe your wife might like a break from you, too, sometimes!!!!! Image )
It's a sad fact that hospitals and Social Services are often more concerned about their budgets and statistics than anything else when dealing with discharges. I've had enormous problems in recent months in relation to my elderly mum, in hospital since last August, finally discharged to a nursing home last week. Although the circumstances and illnesses are different, the basic principles remain the same. If you say that you will look after wife, very little will be organised. If you make it very clear that you cannot and will not give up work, that they MUST arrange suitable care for her when you are at work (and don't for one minute change your tune) they will arrange more. Make absolutely certain that they have properly assessed your wife and what she can do, and what she cannot do. If she needs support during the day, that can and should be organised so you can keep working. Make sure Social Services arrange a Carers Assessment for you. Again, be tough, promises that they will do it after discharge are not good enough - once discharged your wife is no longer a priority to them. Explain to your wife that this sort of attitude is vital to getting her what she needs.
Welcome to you both.

(I went to school in dartford. it's changed a lot since then)

Hope you find the forum useful
Em, just one thing. Entirely your choice of course but you might want to adopt a user name for reasons of anonymity, internet security etc. or maybe I worry too much about my own security, living alone etc. probably just an age thing.and you may well be comfy so I shut up now Image lol