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first post - depression stuff - Carers UK Forum

first post - depression stuff

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hi - dont know if i should be posting as i dont know if i qualify as a 'carer' as such but hoped to get some advice. my partner has severe depression, he is off work at the moment and i am on maternity leave. i'm finding it very hard to cope and help him as i dont really understand depression. I'm terrified he wont make a recovery. hes had a bad time at work, the unions got involved and eventually it all got too much for him. Its awful to see such a usually happy man become so withdrawn, scared that he wont get better, that hes a failure at everything. Nothing i say seems to help. hes been to the docs who have given him pills but has to wait between 1-3 months to see a counsellor - i'm worried this is too long to wait and by that time he does see someone the man i know wont be there anymore........How do people recover from severe depression? Does anyone know if theres a way to get him seen earlier.......
I dont really sleep much anymore worrying about it, hard with a 5 month old baby.

any advice would be much appreciated
thanks
livia
Hi, I'm sorry that you are finding it difficult to deal with both a baby and a depressing partner. I have lived with depression for years but have come to terms with it because I had children to think about.
I had two counselling sessions and they did help me to understand a little bit more about myself. Also the pills helped me to adjust. It's a terrible place to be - I had days where I just couldn't cope very well but as time went on I got one good day then more. It took a long time.
It is a slow process and as long as you can give him your support and commiserate with him it will help.
My brother has been diagnosed with the same thing and been off work. Feels he will lose his job, he's a faiure, will never get better, eating has been a chore for him. He sits for hours just staring into space. He won't leave the house. He was forced to go to a tribual only a month after he was off work and this does not help because they can't think clearly and get anxious.
I was quite shocked because out of all of us he was sporty, confident, good at his job.
He says it's great that I am there for him to just chat or text as he lives quite a long way off. He now acknowledges that he will have try to go out down the road and he needs to eat or he will die.
So just be there for him.
hi
thanks for the replies - he has been taking the pills for 5 weeks now. we are in cheshire.
frantyc - the situations sounds quite similar although my partner is still eating and he is running, hes concentrating on trying to train for a half marathon so he can have something he isnt a failure at. its so sad i find it heartbreaking that he is suffering. Also that people suffer in such a way with depression. I knew nothing about it until recently and admit i used to think it was people just feeling miserable.....how wrong was I. Its comforting to hear that people do recover.
i dont know if the pills are working, hes started taking sleeping pills too but they have had no affect so far.
i can talk to a few people but dont like to go on.....and worry them too.
livia
Hello Livia and welcome to the forum Image
HI and welcome to the forum Image

Depression is one of those things that, without first hand experience, can be extremely hard to understand. I was originally diagnosed with severe depression in the late 90's, and have recently been put back on the pills. I was given councilling, but for me it didn't work, as i wasn't ready to fully explain what the problems were. Some days i used to wonder why i bothered getting out of bed, at it's height i'd wish so hard that i wouldn't wake up the next day. The next day would come and then i'd hope to drop dead that day, and then wish to not wake again the next morning. This went on for months and months. The pills i was prescribed took about 2 weeks to work, dear old Seroxat Image Image But about 6 weeks to kick in seems the average now. Recovery IS possibly, but i would have to include that depression can be a life long struggle. In my case i know it will be, and i am ready for it. You sound like you are being very supportive, which though hard at times, is something he needs.

It's good that your hubby has something to concentrate on, a focus. That is a very positive thing, and it will be even more so when he completes it too! It has to be so hard on you right now, especially with a young baby, sending you some hugs.

Not sure if this will help, but i picked up a book years ago called Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert. It's a self help type of thing, using Cognitive Behavioural techniques...but don't worry about that. The first chapter of that book covers What Is Depression....maybe you could borrow it from a library if you can't find it online, but i found that one chapter alone helped me understand me more than anything else i had read. It's looking a bit dog eared now ...and fox eared, bear eared and rabbit eared too!!! Image
welcome to the site
and congrulations on the baby!!!


U r in the right fourm it sounds like,, u need to make sure some one is there for u as well.. but thenn ow u r onhere u wont feel so alone
Hi Livia and welcome Image
if you need to get it all off your chest, we are all here to listen and those of us who cope with the same problems have good advice to offer.

Congratulations on the baby Image
Hi and welcome to the forum, there is lots of support and advice to be found here.

Karen x x
Hi,

That's good news that he is exercising and eating. This will all help him become calmer. My brother is on sleeping pills as well. He tells me his brain is working overtime all the time, due to andrenolin rush. He went through a stage of walking up and down a room as he said his brain was all over the place and he couldn't sit still.
But I cannot understand why ur other half hasn't got better backup. My brother has backup via the hospital who he can phone and chat to or they will go out and see him.
Seroxat and prosac have helped me but it took a long time. I still tend to go into myself, can't read or listen to music, mind can't settle on anything. I also like to be left alone whereas my brother needs to be with other people. But I know I have this depression and deal with it my own way.
But it's also great that there are people out there who care and know what I'm like. It's that support that helps. Don't worry about talking to people about it - over time you will come to terms with it and probably talk less about it. Keep ur chin up.
Hello and welcome Image