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First ever post... thinking of becoming 1st time carer - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

First ever post... thinking of becoming 1st time carer

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Welcome from me too.

Don`t make any hasty decisions and get Social services to do a care assessment for your mum and a carers assessment for you...pronto as the hospital have failed in their duty of care to your mum.

The family refusing help has probably been your mum telling them she can manage, but they should have listened to your concerns too.

Take care
Meg
Meg,
My mum kept saying she could "manage" too. She even told Social Services that I didn't want a Carers Assessment when I'd asked repeatedly for one, so it said "Refused" on mum's assessment and I never had one, until I found out by chance what had happened.
I had to sit and listen to mum telling the social worker what busy days she had, cleaning, washing, walking the dog, going to the shops etc., and this woman writing it all down as gospel. My OH had been sitting behind mum shaking his head like a churchill dog. Luckily we managed to divert the SW to the kitchen where we went over the notes I had made....Mum never did any housework from the time she trained me to use a duster aged about 3. One of my earliest memories was standing on a chair at the kitchen sink washing dishes at about the same age! I did all the laundry by the time I went to primary school, the ironing before I was 7 on a specially adapted ironing board. The dog had been dead for 15 years, and mum hadn`t been over the door in 7. All the domestic stuff and big shopping was done by me when we commuted 6 hours each way every weekend for three years before they would accept help. Other bits of shopping were brought in by kind neighbours and the local shop who still deliver to pensioners and disabled folks.

Reading that back I sound hard done by, but I wasn`t, it gave me a good grounding in organisational skills and I taught myself to cook at age 10 when everything came out of a tin in the world of mum. I loved my mum with all my heart, but she just wouldn`t accept she needed help when I wasn`t there. Luckily my OH didn`t care where we lived as long as we were together, and the rest is history.

Take care
Meg
Oh Meg! I thought it was kids who were supposed to tell fairy stories, not parents!!
Please do think long and hard about becoming your Mum's 24/7 Carer. Before I took on the task I thought it would be 'a walk in the park' when, in fact, the reality was totally different. Apart from the change in your financial circumstances - Carers Allowance at £53+ per week doesn't anywhere near make up for a full wage packet, not even with the addition of Attendance Allowance - there is the emotional impact that Caring full time has on your own health and well being.
I'll second that. Given my time over, I'd run the other way, fast! I didn't really have a choice in becoming a Carer, I just woke up one day and realised that's what my life had become. If anyone asks my advice, I tell them not to do it!


I had to sit and listen to mum telling the social worker what busy days she had, cleaning, washing, walking the dog, going to the shops etc., and this woman writing it all down as gospel. My OH had been sitting behind mum shaking his head like a churchill dog. Luckily we managed to divert the SW to the kitchen where we went over the notes I had made....Mum never did any housework from the time she trained me to use a duster aged about 3. One of my earliest memories was standing on a chair at the kitchen sink washing dishes at about the same age! I did all the laundry by the time I went to primary school, the ironing before I was 7 on a specially adapted ironing board.
OMG that sounds like my life! My mother has a personality disorder and expects to be waited on hand and foot, all the while moaning about how hard her life is and how much work she has to do etc etc.

She's also done that "telling fairy stories" thing to people... Half my family think I'm a lazy good for nothing scrounger.
Hi Annie,

There's a lot of good advice on here already, I hope it helps. Make sure you're aware of all of your options before making any big decisions, so you can feel confident in whatever you choose to do. There is some useful info on 'Thinking of leaving work?' on our website, which might be helpful to you: http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice ... and-career

Glad you've found the forum, keep us updated.

Lucy