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Carers UK Forum • Finding things hard :(
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Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:06 am
by kayleighb24
Hi, ive been caring for my partner for 3 years now and im finding things difficult at the moment. He has mental health problems. Mainly anxiety and depression meaning he doesnt leave the house or really leave his chair. Im 32 weeks pregnant and have a 7 year old child too. Im struggling to keep on top of things as ive been unwell and been feeling very low. My partner cant help me with anything but i just feel like he doesnt even care sometimes. Weve just had a big arguement because i just need some sleep and he has the dog on the bed keeping me awake, doesnt sound like a big deal i know, but when you only get about 2/3 hours sleep a night it is. I feel like he doesnt understand how exhausting it is to try n do everything and i know its because hes ill but he just sleeps whenever, all day if he wants whereas i have to be up at 7am, do the school run etc. I just dont know how much longer i can cope with trying to keep on top of everything. Also ive agreed that in the future il move 120 miles away from all my family and friends for his health (as he said he was going with or without me) and he cant even keep the dog off the bed so i can sleep?? I know this probly isnt what this forum is for but i just need to get my feelings out somewere, i feel like im going crazy and just feel like giving up. I just want to sleep all day and not have to deal with things anymore and i have no one to talk to as his family dont really like me and my family will be angry hes not helping me more as they dont understand. I just need a friend Image

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:16 am
by sturdygirl
Hi Kayleigh,
This is EXACTLY what this forum is for, somewhere for you to express yourself without judgement.
You sound like you have been doing a wonderful job, it is so difficult when a partner suffers with depression, let alone having children too.
May I ask, has your partner had therapy? I assume he is taking medication, is he due for a review?
Please don't take this the wrong way, but you sound like you need a break and your partner needs to help out a little more, easier said than done, (I know all too well) but something is going to have to give soon.
Do you have a support worker you can speak to?
Best wishes xx

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:03 am
by susieq
Hi Kayleigh and welcome to the forum Image

As this is your first post I'm moving it to the New Members section where more people will see it and respond Image

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:00 am
by crocus
Welcome to the forum Kayleigh

As sturdygirl says, this is what the forum is for.
Excuse me being nosey, but why does he want to move? I would have thought that a move would be something he would find very difficult as hes got depression Image And he would be mad to loose someone as caring as you.

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:46 pm
by Brindleboy123
Hi there Kayleigh, welcome to the forum and of course this is a great place to let all your feelings and frustrations out as and when you want.

Life is very difficult caring but add to that having a young child and being pregnant it is no wonder you sound so exhausted.

Have you had a carers assessment? If nothing else it may highlight to your partner the fact that you have needs too!

When you are pregnant hormones are all over the place I know but please (hey, Im sure you would anyway) think very carefully before you make any decision to move away from family and friends. I think you may well need their support and if your partner is actually saying that he would go without you anyway it may be that the relationship has a few things to "iron out" - even silly things like having the dog on the bed which as you say may not seem very significant but in the bigger picture it could be.

I hope you wont mind me being so direct - its the mother in me perhaps!

Keep in touch when you feel like you can and join in as and where you want on the forum. Glad you found us!

Bell x

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:30 pm
by poppett
Welcome from me too.

You will make some wonderful virtual friends here who are always around to listen and help in whatever way we can.xx

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:46 pm
by Matty Groves
Hi Kayleigh,
Welcome from me too. You have loads of things going on and whilst I'll admit I can't offer any practical advice (apart from echo Brindleboy's excellent suggestion of getting a carers assessment done) I can just assure you that being in this forum will help.

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:59 pm
by india77
Hi, kayleigh! a big hello and welcome from me. Can you have a word with your G.P or midwife?? perhaps if you tell them how you are feeling etc., it might start the ball rolling. Has your partner seen G.P lately? im just wondering if hes on medication does he need a review? i know a change in meds wont fix anything, but it might help a little bit.

This is a fantastic place to express your feelings kayleigh! Iv had a few rants myself and im new as well!! xx

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:40 pm
by bowlingbun
Don't be forced into moving away from your family just when you are going to need them more than ever before. It's tough being pregnant, tougher still with a new born. My first grandchild arrived 3 months ago, so it's very fresh in my mind at the moment. You really don't want to add the stress of moving to an already difficult situation, especially with a school age child too, and it sounds like you will probably be the one doing the packing too! You may not want to hear this, but to me, as a total outsider, it sounds like he's incredibly selfish and controlling, and it's likely to get worse rather than better if you move away. Please think very carefully about moving just now, even if you have to tell a few little white lies, like...you'll talk about it when the baby is 3/6/9 months old. Time someone looked after you.

Re: Finding things hard :(

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:52 pm
by sillybugger
Poor you, reading your thoughts were like reading my own, and I'm not heavily pregnant !! You are doing an amazing job,but one you can only continue to do as long as you are cared for to. Please do get some help, CAB are really good and can take on some responsibility for you as far as contacting relevant help agencies. Remember as a human being you have a right to an opinion as to moving or not, and as the primary carer for your partner and your family,your vote goes further. If he is as desperately ill as he says he is, believe me, he won't go alone !! I get as stressed as you too, but have no qualms about having the final say, as ultimately I am the one doing it all !!! Good luck to you xxxxxx