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Finding things hard :( - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Finding things hard :(

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Wow thanks for all the answers Image going to reply individually Image

sturdygirl - Hi Image Yes my partners had all different kinds of therapy and treatment since he was around 12 years old and is on medication, which has recently been changed. He does have a support worker but to be honest they dont listen to a word i say. Ive asked them for some help as im not coping with things and they have let me down.

susieq - Hello Image thank you for helping get more responses Image

crocus - Hi Image he wants to move where all his family are as he says its this bad area we live in that makes him worse and he thinks things will be better there, im not so sure as we lived there before and he got worse. he said the fact that he would be willing to go without me should show how bad it is and how desperate he is.

brindleboy123 - Hi Image no i havent had a carers assesment, i have heard of them but im dont know what they are and how you have one. I really dont want to move away but if thats the only way to keep our relationship going its what i have to do Image he keeps saying i shouldnt go unless i want to but i cant just throw away everything. yes its little things that make life harder at the moment.

poppett - Hello and thank you Image i really hope to make some friends as like i say my family and friends dont really understand so i have no one to talk to really.

Matty Groves - Hi Image thanks i will definately take the advice and look into an assesment. the answers have already helped so much, it means the world to have someone to talk to and not feel so alone Image

india77 - Hi Image im seeing my midwife monday and im wondering wether to talk to her but she is pretty useless at the best of times lol. im just afraid that if i tell people im not coping they might think im a bad mum which i know is silly but these thoughts go through my head. yes its lovely to let of a bit of steam on here, its amazing how writing it out can help so much, its like a weights been lifted Image

bowlingbun - Hello Image yes i understand what you mean, we have delayed moving until afer the baby is born, i told him i just can do it and i want to have the baby with my family around and not be in a strange place. He always says he feels so guilty that he cant help and make things easier for me. I do know what you mean as i even get so angry at him and feel like he just cant be bothered but i just have to remind myself that its the illness not him. In a way, and i know it sounds awful, but i am dreading when the baby is here, i dont know how im going to manage with everything if im not doing well now Image il be exhausted. and until ive recovered i cant take my older son to school which means i will have to have him at home too. i think its a hard road ahead Image

sillybugger - Hi Image thanks sometimes i really dont feel im doing a good job, especially when hes getting worse rather than better. I struggle to have the final say as im very quiet and a bit soft really, also he can get very grumpy which just adds to things. I have tried to contact our local CAB in the past but they dont do appointments you have to go in and usually they are full. The services in my area arnt the best Image.

Thank you so much everyone for your replys i really appreciate it Image and look forward to hearing from you all soon x
sometimes i really dont feel im doing a good job, especially when hes getting worse rather than better.
We all get that feeling sometimes, also the one where you don't want to say you can't cope. The first is 'carer guilt syndrome' which has nothing to do with how good a job you are doing and everything to do with being human, not superwoman. The second also has nothing to do with being 'good' or 'bad', just sometimes there is too much to cope with, so take all the help you can get Image
Please don't think anyone will consider you a bad mum if you ask for help. As a carer for an elderly person, you are already doing far more than the ordinary mum, which shows what a good, kind and caring person you are, the best sort of mum who thinks of others before herself. Ask your local authority to arrange a Carers Assessment for you. If you look at their website, it will tell you a bit more about what is involved - also look at the main CarersUK site. Make sure it is done where you can speak freelyl, without your husband or mum. When the assessment is done, be sure to explain about your problems getting your son to and from school. You don't want your son's education to suffer. There is a possibility that they may arrange this for you, although I can't promise. Services differ so much in various parts of the country. If they can't arrange something, explain to the school that you are concerned about getting your son to and from school when the baby is born, it is quite likely that they will be able to suggest a solution.
nobody is going to think your a bad mum, please dont think that. You have more than being a mum to deal with and its hard going. I would still have a word with the midwife. You never know, it might be a different one this time round (hopefully) who is a bit more helpful. Also, i might of mentioned it before, but try your G.P as well. Image Image xx
Have you considered asking your midwife to put you in touch with one of the health visitors, mine did a few years ago and it was one of the best things that could have happened to me, she was a wealth of information and really did help and make a difference. x x
Hi everyone, sorry i havent replied, been a busy week.
Well starting to panic a bit now, baby is due in 6 weeks. Partner is desperate to move and asks everyday for me to ring estate agents and get an update. I really dont want to move at all yet, i just want to settle down and have my baby and rest for a while but he says he wont get better until we move and if he isnt better he cant help me with things Image. Also trying to sort things out with jobcentre as they are trying to make him go to work focused interviews which he cant do and they threaten to stop his benefits so im really worried about what to do.
Been told i might need a ceserean section which is freaking me out as i need to get back on my feet asap after the baby is born as ive soo much to do and my son cant look after himself. Im scared to ask my parents for help as they will say my partner needs to do it but he dusnt even leave his chair so he cant exactly take my son to school, do the housework, look after a baby etc. So im panicing as i dont have a clue what im going to do Image. I just want to cry all the time thinking about it but i think i have literally run out of tears. Just dont know who to turn to. When i last went to my midwife appointment i saw someone different who was horrible and told me off, i left the hospital in tears. I asked my partners support worker for help but he ended up making even more problems for me as he didnt do what he said he would.
Im just lost Image
Hi Kayleigh, I think your GP needs to know how much this is stressing you out, so that he in turn can tell the midwife to stop being horrible to you, that's the very last thing you need. If you need a C section you need all the help you can get from your family and friends for a while, I don't see how you can possibly move in the current circumstances, your OH is being totally unreasonable and controlling. I've had a hysterectomy which is similar in many ways to a C section, you can't lift anything heavy for a while, certainly not pack, move and unpack. Does his GP realised what is going on? At the moment, the wellbeing of you and your unborn child are the most important thing.
Hi, thanks for the reply. I know i should talk to my gp and things but i really struggle with telling people how i feel ( this forum is the only time ive put my feelings out) , i feel stupid and im afraid to be laughed at (which has happened before).
I can understand my partner wanting to move, we arnt in the nicest area. but we have a nice big house and im around the corner from my parents which is great and i just want to relax for a while.
I just know if i ask my parents for help they (particularly my dad) will be absolutely fuming if my partner isnt helping me, i can see him getting angry lately as im doing everything even though im having a tough pregnancy. I dont want them to argue i just want a peaceful non stressful time and i want to enjoy these last few weeks and rest up for when the baby is here. This last 8 months has been the hardest most stressful of my life and my first pregnancy wasnt a breeze. I just would like to enjoy things for a change and not feel like jumping off the nearest bridge Image. Im sorry im having such a whinge. I know people are much worse off but im really at the end of my tether.
Thanks
I'm really worried for you and your baby. It is an impossible situation and something needs to be done now to make things tolerable. Put bluntly, you will need help just to cope with the baby after a C section. I really don't think you should be discharged from hospital after the birth until something is arranged for the others so that you and the baby can both recover in peace. If you don't feel able to speak to your GP directly, would you feel able to talk to the Health Visitor? After all, she will be supporting you after the baby is born.
Hi, please dont worry about me hun. Im just confused and struggling to figure out what to do. Im sure i will sort something out. Just wish things would be smooth sailing for a change .... sigh........ Image