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Feeling sorry for myself - Carers UK Forum

Feeling sorry for myself

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Hello everyone, new to this forum, but tonight felt I needed to know there are probably others feeling same way I am. Really struggling tonight. In bed but very teary. A good cry will probably help. Care for mum aged 93. I’m an only child. Cared for dad until he passed away four years ago. Mum was doing ok until she got a leg ulcer last summer. It hasn’t healed, we have wonderful district nurses come in every day to change dressing. The pain from ulcer has been horrific at times and gp just kept prescribing co-codamol and tramadol, then morphine.(without ever having seen mum. Practice been taken over. Don’t do house visits) Still terrible pain. She’s been a poor soul and suffered so much. Last Sunday I had to call out of hours doctor as she wasn’t eating or drinking and so very tired. I thought she was on her way out. Doctor wanted bloods taken. Passed on details to gp Monday who didn’t pass details on to district nurse .only when I mentioned it to nurse on Thursday , were bloods taken by her on Friday morning. Got phone call from gp later that afternoon to say haemoglobin had dropped drastically and she had to go to hosp for transfusion right away. Very stressful for her getting to hosp. spent Saturday by her side while getting transfusion. could see an immediate improvement in her thank goodness. A consultant asked why her legs were covered in dressings . explained about the ulcer (the other leg started weeping a few weeks ago so it had to be dressed too), he wanted a swab taken and prescribed a different painkiller for her. Pregabalin. I really hoped we’d turned a corner. That she’d feel better after getting blood but today she’s been even worse. Couldn’t stay awake . She’s been short tempered, angry with me for trying to wake her up for something to eat, obsessing with the need for her legs to be covered with so many dressings. Frustrated feeling so unwell. I wish I knew if her behaviour is to be expected. I just don’t know.I’m feeling helpless and sorry for myself. I hate seeing mum like this. She’s such a great character and a lovely person normally but I find this hard to cope with. I gave up work a year ago to care full time. I couldn’t have coped otherwise. There’s only me and I used to love caring for her. Sorry to be such a moaner
I really empathise Sarah as i am an only child (68 years old tho') caring alone for my 95 year old mum who is recovering from a hip fracture and has end stage dementia. I had the paramedics out tonight as she had an unresponsive episode followed by vomiting and diarrhoea. Any of these episodes could be her last. Having cleaned everywhere multiple times, done 4 loads of washing and at last got to my bedroom, I too am feeling it tonight. Have a hug from me brave woman. xx
Hi Sarah,
I'm not surprised you are struggling tonight, caring is tough and Christmas evokes emotions and memories. You and your Mum must be exhausted from being at the hospital and shouldering the responsibility of your Mum's care and well being is huge. You cartainly aren't moaning and there others on the forum caring for elderly parents, who will be along in the next few days with advice and understanding.

Your Mum may just be sleepy and snappy because the hospital visit has worn her out,, however, sleepiness can also be a side effect of pregablin and perhaps she needs a lower dose. You could ring 111 for advice. I'm sorry your GP practice is useless, ours has been taken over too and is terrible. I do think of changing surgery, I wonder if that's an option for you. I'm glad the district nurses are fab.

I hope you get some sleep and both manage a pleasant day tomorrow,


Sorry you and your Mum have had a tough time of it too. Sending you (((hugs))))

Hugs to all awake or struggling tonight. Sarah, I'm wondering if a "Circulation Booster"would help mum's legs by encouraging blood flow. I bought one after a knee replacement, drastically reduced the fluid on my knee area and my feet. Take advice though as mum is a great age. I wouldn't wake her if she is asleep. GP's should do house calls if needed, when you can, talk to CQC about this. Hope you both get some decent sleep tonight. You need to know why mums haemoglobin was so low, it is probably why the ulcers are not healing. Are any follow up tests or transfusions planned? I'm awake, missing husband who died 11 years ago, his sister who died last week, and thinking of his cousin who I've just learned has also passed away recently.
BB, sorry to hear you had a poor night re sleep. I didn't go to bed till 1.30am . Settled after a while. I'm missing past times this morning. Yesterday I went to DD2 where the family gathered. We did actually have fun and laughter. Hard as I tried my thoughts were on how much hubby would have laughed at some of the ' silliness'.
So, this morning I'm going to do nothing for a while. May even doze, who knows,.
Do hope you feel ok this morning.
Hi all,

Another one for the misery club.

Pregabalin can have terrible side effects. This time last year I thought Paul wouldn't be able to live at home again because of his uncharacteristically bad behaviour. It turned out by stopping pregabalin and reducing the steroids he was on his behaviour changed beyond recognition.

The steroids were reintroduced gradually and he is now on a much lower dose of pregabalin and his behaviour is back to normal and he has spent most of the last year living at home. Unfortunately he's stuck in hospital apart from me at the moment because I'm ill.

Try to remember it might well be the drugs changing your Mum's behaviour.

All the best to everyone, especially those finding today hard.
I've sent you a private message. Hope you can access it.

Sending you love, cuddles & hugs. We are here for you and everyone. Take care.

Love from Viv
I'm sorry you are feeling bad, I know how your feeling , feel so depressed today, look after my husband who has MS and my 91 year old mother with insulin dependent diabetes osteoporosis and many other ailments on my own, have a Carer most mornings for mum, only 2 mornings for my husband as the agency can't find anybody else, and all the other agency's around here can't help either, my family are good but they all work so can't help much,don't know how much longer I can carry on like this I'm 69 now and feel wretched. Don't know the answer.
Thank you so much to all you kind people who went to the trouble of replying when you each have plenty problems of your own. I slept ok (mum didn’t) but I was very uptight and tearful this morning. I’ve calmed down as the day has gone on but pain from leg ulcer v bad and had to give mum liquid morphine dose. She’s slept a lot today, as usual. Thanks Bowlingbun, I got her a circulation booster but discovered it only works on bare feet and as both hers are bandaged it didn’t work. She seems to have little pockets in her stomach where she’s losing blood. I’d hoped she’d be better than this after transfusion. We’ll see what this week brings.
Thinking of everyone and sending grateful thanks.