Feeling isolated

[DebM]

Hi,
No doubt this topic has been broached many times before but I guess at this time of year it seems far more prominent that being a carer isolates you so much from what many other people take for granted. .a simple lunch with friends, an evening out, a meal or just socialising in general. .a none existent pleasure at this moment in time.
Don't get me wrong. .you get used to declining invitations but once. . Just once it would so lovely to have a social evening to look forward to and some conversation !
Oh my gosh. .how sad do I sound . .please tell me I'm not the only one that is feeling this way at the moment :/

[bowlingbun]

Hi Deb, I'm in a similar situation. I have a 35 year old son with learning difficulties, who lives in his own flat but comes home for a long Christmas holiday. This year, I also have a frail mum in a nursing home, whose is likely to pass away soon. Sometimes, they seem to be competing for my attention!! So whilst everyone else is looking forward to a happy peaceful Christmas, mine is going to be desperately busy, when I will inevitably fall asleep at the wrong time from sheer exhaustion.

[DebM]

Hi Bowlingbun
Thanks so much for the reply, really appreciate you taking the time to post.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, you must feel like you re being pulled in all directions at once, physically and emotionally. .I ve nicknamed myself Stretch Armstrong lol as that's how it seems most of the time. .being pulled In all directions as I'm guessing you do too, especially at the moment.
I ve been a carer for my daughter for 23 years now, recently had to cut my hours at work due to her health and there s just the two of us at home so I struggle a little sometimes, especially with the social side of things as my daughter has no speech therefore most of our conversations are one way. Don't get me wrong, she is the most inspirational, amazing young lady I just sometimes find it difficult to deal with my "down days" and like yourself sometimes they never seem to end x x

[Anne001]

Hi Deb,

And welcome to the Forum. I think we all feel isolated sometimes. I can remember, when caring for mum at home (she has since gone into a nursing home), looking at people in pubs and cafes and envying them their freedom. Not sure what the answer is but I know that this Forum helps. It is a great place to "chat" to virtual friends.

Does your daughter go to college at all, or are you together all day?

Take care,
Anne

[MumWhoCares]

Definitely not the only one, Deb! We don't go without invitations but the problem is my son doesn't cope that well with most social situations so I can't usually take him and, if I do, my time is taken up with trying to help him cope, plus he'll struggle for days afterwards at home so what other people think is a break is actually just more work. There's not usually money for babysitters so I don't often go out without him and to be honest I've found that most of the things that my friends do cost a fortune - they're all loaded and I'm on Carer's Allowance! So even if I could get someone to sit with him I wouldn't be able to pay for all the other stuff as well. So we are pretty isolated and I do get fed up with people being clueless about our situation. Fortunately I talk to myself so there is always conversation to be had

[jenny lucas]

What I found ironic, last year, when I had my 90 y/o MIL with me for weeks on end (she's now living in a home), was that one might think that spending time socialising with other middle aged carers like me, and taking our elderly carees with us, might be a good idea - a friend of mine, for example, has her 88 y'/o father living with her.....

The idea would be, for example, that the four of us go out for lunch, and my friend and I could chat, and the two 'old folk' could bear each other company.....

BUT, what I swiftly, swiftly discovered was that my MIL didn't actually WANT to socialise with anyone else - she doesn't want to be with anyone else at all, except ME! And similarly, my friend's father wasn't sociable at all - didn't want to go out to lunch or have anyone else over really to take his daughter 'away' from him.....

I suspect that the elderly in that situation are really extremely 'possessive' of their carers, and don't want their carers to pay any attention to anyone else.....

Possibly it just happens that my MIL and my friend's father are like that, but I wonder?

[jean_14112]

Hi
you definitely are not alone. Most friends have moved on / drifted away.I tried to socialise with other mums in the past but k just doesn't do socialising and was extremely aggressive and hyper active in his pre teens. And babysitters were a big no no. Now K is calm enough to have sitter ( i.e. his grandmother or his older brother) , there isn't anyone to go out socialising with. So I have started yoga 1 day a week just to meet people and get out of the house. Also looked into carers lunch clubs in my area which I am hoping to start going to in the new year. It's all quite daunting and not really a social life as such but it's a start..