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new carer seeking support. - Carers UK Forum

new carer seeking support.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
A week and a half ago, at 4.20a.m. i received a phonecall from my adult son asking me to help him. When i arrived at his house (which he shares with his younger brother) i never drempt i would now be seeking support on this forum. He was having, what i could only explain as a "psychotic episode". A failed attempt to hang himself, hearing voices and extreemly anxious. I rang my daughter who i knew would know what to do, she is an O.T. and has worked with mental health in the community. As he had no sign of injury i hadn't "thought" to ring for an ambulance, i just didnt know who to ring to be honest. My daughter did all that before she left her home a distance away. My problem is i would normally get support from other members of our family and, after Christmas I will do, but for now I dont want to upset them, im very aware of not keeping family secrets and know i can't manage this alone. I also don't want to burden my dauhter anymore than is necessary, shes returned back to her home after being here for a
week. He has had daily visits from the acute team?...cpn? and met with two pschiatrists (drs)
on the day it happened. The paramedics initially spoke to the ooh team, who only offered an emergency phone number and promice of a call to my son 48hrs later. Thankfully my daughter rang them when she arrived, about an hour after my call to her, hence the immediate
support i think. While we were waiting for someone from the mental health team to come round i got into bed with him, like i used to when he had a bad dream when he was little. My heart is breaking, as although we knew he was a bit fed up, non of us were expecting this. An initial report from the Dr who came to him has mentioned bi polar.
Hi Penny,
Welcome to the forum.

How traumatic. I'm glad your daughter has managed to secure help and that your son has you on hand for support.

There are other members on the forum caring for family members with mental health problems who will be along, later. From what I have read on here, supporting someone with MH issues is very draining, so you are right to look for an outlet for yourself.

Are you sure you wouldn't talk to family about it at the moment? If roles were reversed, would you want family members to keep it from you until after Christmas?

Melly1
Yeah, i know what you're saying about talking to my family.. ... im used to wearing my heart on my sleeve so this is very difficult. At the moment I'm avoiding her skype calls and making feeble excuses. Actually, im in bits, every time the phone rings im anticipating the worst. I thought I'd have a go on here first.....x thanks for your quick reply.
Hello Penny,we have a 16 year old daughter who has been suffering for two years with Mental health issues,self harm,suicide attempts,she is confused and exhausted,and so are we.It's a cruel illness,and can start so quickly,and not leave!!! There is so much stigma attached to Mental health,but it is not a choice any of us would want.I also didn't tell my family for ages,I felt inadequate,like a bad mum,and didn't want my daughter to be misunderstood,or pitied.It was actually a big relief when I did.My parents struggle to understand,but are trying.I have a handful of incredible friends,all different,but my rocks!!!!! Look after yourself as well as your sons.Ive only been on the forum for two weeks,but the support is amazing.
Hi Penny, just want to add my support. My mum - now 92 - has never really 'got' how it is for my son. She thinks that once he is taken into hospital they will cure him and I will not be involved, but that's not how it works. In fact admission to hospital generally signals the start of a busy time for me. He is usually in a state of self-neglect with only the clothes he stands up in, so I raid his flat and do his washing to take to him, plus all the essentials like his phone, razor, toiletries and so on. Then he has increasing periods of home leave, dependent on me being available to keep an eye on him.

It's great that your son is getting daily visits, and encouraging that he asked you for help and didn't shut you out. I wish you the very best outcome at this difficult time.
Hi Penny

What a horrible shock for you. you have come to the right place for people that understand. My son is currently in hospital after a nasty psychotic episode a couple of weeks ago. He has been ill for about 2 years now, and although my heart still breaks seeing him like that, I want to let you know that although the heartache doesn't ever go, you do learn to cope with it better over time. One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to get to know his CPN - if you have a decent one, they will become your lifeline.

Also, if your son is under 35, it may well be worth looking into whether you have an Early Intervention in Psychosis Service operating in your area. You can usually self-refer, and they are a great at supporting the family as well.

Finally, most important of all, take care of yourself. I know it is hard, and you are probably bottom of your own list at the moment, but this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint, so you need to be gentle with yourself, and save some energy for the road ahead.

Take care - we are here if you need us xx
Thank you...sorry if my original post was a bit graphic....reading it now i wonder if i should have tamed it a bit, i guess i just needed to be able to share the words that really scared me with the right people. This week i have mostly been in a daze, ive been unable to concentrate, i have no idea what anyone has for christmas, or even begun to wrap presents. I did take the advice and spoke to both my sisters, who are giving me daily phone support as they live too far to do face to face. My son is slightly more settled, hes just getting to grips with when and what is the best time to take and dosage of sleeping tablets. I have read a lot of ..some useful, some not so, medical stuff and realised that the two Drs came the first day with the two cpn's as they were considering sectioning him.

Having this foum is a big help. Thank you and Merry Christmas to you all. Xx
Hi Penny,it's lovely to hear you are beginning to get your head round the recent events.Don't worry about mixed up Christmas gifts,we are all so stressed at this time of year ,I think a little confusion is expected.....Glad your son is taking his medication,and yes I agree the Forum is a great help,so much support,Clare x