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Newbie! - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello all Image

Well, I am fifty and look after my Mum. She is 78 and can get around mostly ok but has bad memory issues and mood swings which I am sure comes about due to frustration from her memory..or lack of it. Mum falls occasionally and likes a drink in the evenings.

I live with mum as its easier than answering the fone 15 times a day and I take her to the village everyday as she is very nervous driving but its become her only social life. Mum needs constant assistance with eating,cooking as she forgets to and making sure she takes her tablets. Alot of what I do is reasurrance and reminders such as reminding her of travel,doctors visits etc and being there to reassure her.

I have now managed to have a keyworker allocated to us and have finally managed to get her to see our local doctor to discuss her memory and emotional things and thats tomorrow so fingers crossed.

Theres alot more things that I do but mostly little things like finances,buying food and just being here. Maybe its just Mum is old and thats the way life is but sometimes I just get down as noone else in my family seem to recognise that Mum needs a hand and thinks I am just living here for a low cost life! Image

Our keyworker feels its early stage dementia but the doctor can diagnose anything..and assist..fingers crossed!

Thanks for being here!
Hi boatman and welcome to the forum.
I must say that as you saying about your mum the word "dementia" came into my mind. I have been caring for my husband for nearly 20 years after a road accident, but recently my mum has started doing the same things. She too has appointments and a scan lined up and I think it will turn out to be vascular dementia.
It was quite a shock to discover this and I have been looking up information about dementia. I found some helpful youtube talks and posted them in the section we have on here for dementia. Here is the link


If you scroll down a bit you will see a second lot of three links. These give an overview of dementia and I think you may well find them helpful - I know I did.

hey, if the diagnosis eventually shows dementia....maybe we can support you a bit.
for now I say simply try to relax.. There can be many years left for her to enjoy. And when you can understand her behaviour, including any changes In her, you will be able to blame the illness. it kinda then makes more sense and you will all come to terms with it.

Welcome to the forum. There are lots of us here caring for parents. I try to remember all the kindness I was given as a child, and repay mum now in return. I'm by no means perfect, but I know I'm doing my best!
Hi Boatman,

Just wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the Forum. Lots of us here, myself included, who care for elderlies with dementia (and sometimes not so elderly too).

Good that you are in the system. Only advice I would give is take every bit of help you can and any regular breaks, regardless of what mum thinks. You are too young to give everything up for mum and in the long run it will help keep you sane.

Have a look round the Forum and join in wherever you want,
Thanks alot for the advice and welcomes.. Image

Doctors visit went well while we were there but now at home and its like Mum feels I am trying to get her certified. Even though the doctor has referred her to the hosital for a blood checks and further tests she refuses to believe anything is wrong and the reason we go over things so much is for my benefit..cant win.. Image

I dont mind giving back what love and assistance I can as she is a great mum,just abit frustrating at times.

I am trying to get an Assistance allowance for her so she can get some benefits for travel etc as Mum only gets small income and have tried as hard as I can to tell her why,when and what is being done but this only leads to more confusion which in turn leads to her telling my Sister the wrong things which in turn leads to even more bad feeling between me and my Sister who doesnt see Mum with any issues as she controls Mums every move when she goes to see her which actually works well for Mum!

I am signed off sick with Neuralagy in my legs so I can only give Mum my benefit money but I am selling my car as Mums has failed the Mot and is too exs.to fix. Mum can drive with me in the car but it does maintain her mobility and she is not just stuck in the house. i am not able to drive at the moment.

Sorry if this sounds like a moan! Just a tad frustrated at the moment.. Image
Are you absolutely certain mum's OK to drive just now?
dont think it was a moan. and even if it was it was good for you. i also have mum with dementia and had been struggling as its very hard to understand.lots of people have helped me on here though and if you need a moan go for it. let us know how it goes
thanks. Image