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Carers UK Forum • Family tensions
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Family tensions

Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2018 2:04 pm
by Jacki_1407
Hi, are there any other carers out there who have had real problems with family members a) not liking the fact that their relative has become disabled b) not liking me as a carer and c) completely shying away from any responsibility to do with the job of caring for their relative (who happens to be their son and brother respectively!)?

I would be very interested in speaking to people who are in the same situation as me as I am having a very hard time dealing with it?

Thanks.

Re: Family tensions

Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2018 2:55 pm
by nicholas_1612
Hi. I'm in a very similar situation. I care for my mum, who had a stroke May 2015 and took a redundancy package from where I worked October 2016. I have 2 elder sisters ho have only visited 7 times since Oct 2016 and never text to see how mum is or what they could do to help.At least I know where I stand with them

Re: Family tensions

Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2018 7:09 pm
by jenny lucas
Hi - just trying to work out the relationships here! I think you are saying that it is your nephew who has become disabled, but neither his sister/brother or mother/father can 'cope' with it at all?? Is that it?

It's interesting (!) that you say neither of them 'like' the fact that he had become disabled.....do they think it was his choice????? It seems an extraordinarily 'perverse' attitude to take !!

What is the nature of his disability? Is it permanent? Likely to get worse? Could get better perhaps with treatment and time?

They MAY still be in 'shock', and even a state of 'bereavement' in which one of the characteristic stages is denial (that it ever happened) or anger (that it did happen).....

On this forum, alas, we are used to situations in which the main carer, whoever they are, does NOT get any help, support or even sympathy sometimes from other family members, so you are not alone, unfortunately, in your situation...

Re: Family tensions

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:28 am
by stuart_1509
hi jackie im in the exact same situation, i care for my son who is 25 and severly disabled he has 4 siblings and his mum none of whom live with us.its just me and him.his mum pays a visit only when she needs something and the siblings dont even bother to call but they can tell you the thingsi do wrong but never the good parts.i often stay up 18 hours a day but if i ask for help they are all too busy.on the rare occasions his mum does come round she turns her nose up if ive missed something like the washing or beds not made

Re: Family tensions

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 8:28 am
by bowlingbun
On the forum we call these "Helicopter Relatives" who drop in once in a blue moon, and the fly off to be seen again who knows when?

Ignore them. Do NOT allow them to criticise. Say "well if you cared more and helped it wouldn't be so …"

These people have NO RIGHT to any decision about their future care, as they have forfeited that right by demonstrating that they do not care.

I had two Helicopter brothers. One visited on average every two years, the other once a year. Even when I said mum was seriously ill in hospital, they were "too busy" to visit, or even send a get well card.

Mum changed her will in my favour!