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exhaustion - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
There is a LEGAL DUTY for Social Services to undertake a Carers Assessment when asked. They can't just not do them!
Write, and send the letter by Recorded Delivery, and keep the post office slip with a copy of your letter. Explain how long it is since the last one was done and you need another asap.
Under the Care Act you are entitled to a carer's assessment where you appear to have needs, this matches the rights to an assessment of the person being cared for. ... The person you care for is entitled to a 'needs assessment' if they appear to have needs for care and support.
hey Dishrag - (love the name by the way, it is often how I have felt)

Glad you are thinking this through. Please find that time for yourself. It is vital for your own health. If it feels daunting, start small and build up. Half an hour this week sitting in a coffee shop on your own with a magazine or listening to some music not thinking about caring. When things were really bad I used to sit in my car before the school run and eat sweets for 20 minutes as was the only place that kids, elderly parents, cat and dog and all my other responsibilities couldn't reach me!! Things were terrible at this point, but they are better now with help from the forum. I now have a part time job and do all sorts of indulgent things like meet friends for a coffee and have my hair cut (it had been 18 months between appointments at one point when things were really bad). I really hope things can get better for you xx
I too used to make plans and then cancel them when carees had a problem.

Now some things are "NON NEGOTIABLE" especially holidays abroad so I can escape everything and be the real me. I was once all packed to go to Crete, an hour before I left, suitcases ready in the conservatory for collection, hair and nails done, showered, travel clothes on. House tidy, dishwasher empty, nothing on TV, so quite by chance I opened my lap top. To my horror I discovered that the care agency hadn't arranged any care for my son with LD, living in his own flat, for the following weekend!!

I wrote blistering emails to SSD and the agency, but nothing was going to get in the way of my trip.

If I loved everyone enough to put their needs first for most of the year, they should love me enough to let me go, and SSD should make appropriate arrangements to ensure my son's needs were met.
Hi Bowling Bun, it is inspiring to read your experiences and commitment/advice. It can be so hard to walk the tightrope between things I feel I should, or want, or need to do for myself, and wanting to be there for, and spend time with, my elderly dad, and partner. I find a few professionals, social workers for example, look to me to do a lot more. Maybe I should, but they do so without support or interest in the effect on me, or us. For example a recent OT made it clear I should have helped my partner sell up and move to a more appropriate home, and should be doing that now, instead of keep trying to adapt present one. It will not be so easy, my partner has lived there 30 years, knows all the neighbors, etc. It is also sometimes not so easy to live with not doing things I could be doing now, if life was different and I didn’t want to care for dad and partner. I can feel torn in two. I almost always come down on the side of wanting to care, but it’s how to find enough time, energy and outlets for the rest of me! You sound so good at it, you have worked out a very positive attitude, which I don’t feel I have
I get torn too. BB and others have helped me to realise that I'm still entitled to do something for me.My hubby would want that. Today, I'm not visiting him,.the hospital are caring for him extremely well. DD 1has invited me to dinner, granddaughters will be there, and I don't see them often. I don't cook a ' proper' dinner for myself any more, so my daughters dinner will be so enjoyable. Veg galore! Sad that I'm no longer cooking for hubby, he so loved my Sunday lunches. Not going today won't change that. I'm on the end of the phone too.
Believe me, I am NOT good at it, but counselling really helped me. I'm "Work in Progress"!

I've just got back from taking my son with learning difficulties back to his flat. Usually I enjoy the drive, as it usually takes me right across some of the best bits of the New Forest, but today I came through the back roads to avoid the holiday makers and traffic. He keeps his place like a palace, my kitchen looks like a grenade has gone off in it.
On the other hand I produced 24 hot cross buns, a fruit cake, marzipan, some lovely gammon, and roast beef and Yorkshire puds I don't have the energy I used to, sadly. Major surgery saved my life and I have to be content with still being here, even if I can't do as much as I'd like.
My "boys" (42 and 40) know that I either have a semi tidy kitchen and don't bake, or make lovely food and leave the kitchen till later. Baking wins every time!!!
Tomorrow, I'm "on strike", kitchen closed.

Oh wow thank you everybody for your posts and comments. It’s great to have the support. Ok I will get carers assessment, and I’m really glad you like dishrag, and that I’m not the only one who’s felt like that! I like keeping the tag, to remind me how I felt when I first logged in here. I am still very tired but some things are getting better. I can’t believe how much difference it makes now my partner has a few hours help a week with direct payments. It’s early days, and I still have a lot to do, but it is such a relief and a boost to come home and some things are done! It took me years to persuade and help my partner to accept help from anyone but me, but now so far that seems to be going well, especially now he’s got the hang of the idea that it’s for me! Thank you again everyone. I’ll be back!
You are so welcome and I'm so happy you are getting a bit of help. The real battle is often getting the caree to accept this Hopefully you can now edge a little more support in on top of this too. xx
Hope all goes well for DR.
I'm 85 and my husband's full time carer.
He's just been diagnosed with polymyalgia rheumatica. He's had such a rough last 2 years.
It's tough because we both get so tired.
It seems we are not entitled to any financial help. I pay someone myself to come and do 1 hour a week's cleaning as I am finding it so difficult. My back just gets worse and worse.
I'm just immensely grateful to our GP who has diagnosed the problem and gone out of his was to give time to prescribe, do more blood tests and keep a check on things.
We are fortunate to be registered with a simply wonderful medical practice and I am so grateful.
Best wishes to you. :)