Hello
I'm new to this forum so forgive me if there are lots of posts about this already. I haven't had the chance to explore the site yet. I've joined because I'm feeling pretty desperate. My husband is in Stage 6 of Alzheimers and I've been looking after him for nearly 8 years now. His deterioration is accelerating, but he still has periods of awareness and lucidity, which he usually manages to demonstrate when there is some kind of assessment going on, or an 'official visitor', such as when Adult Services came recently to do a care needs assessment and carer's assessment. He told them he was able to cook simple things (which he hasn't done for years and can't turn the hobs on, or find them); that he reads lots (he can't read any more, except newspapers a bit, or write either) and that he can look after himself. This is not true. I am exhausted because at night he wakes me regularly either hallucinating, peeing on the floor or trying to find the bathroom; he has massive mood swings which recently have also led to raised fists in my direction, although he has never actually approached me aggressively or offered violence before, He follows me everywhere, sometimes even into the toilet. He is panicky, anxious the whole time. And I can't leave him for longer than 15 minutes without him trying to find me, including wandering out onto the street and leaving the doors open so the dogs get out.
I've managed to get him to a Day Centre one day a week. Although we've had the assessments from AS, there are no plans yet and I'm not hopeful because to start with we'll be self-funding. Until this year I've had no respite, but in the last few months one week and a couple of weekends.
I feel guilty because I thought I'd be able to look after my husband until the end, but increasingly I feel as if I'm in prison. It's emotionally draining, intellectually stultifying and absolutely exhausting. I'm irritable and resentful and trying not to be, but failing. Would it be wrong of me to consider getting him into a home, even though he doesn't want to go? And how do I do that?
I'm new to this forum so forgive me if there are lots of posts about this already. I haven't had the chance to explore the site yet. I've joined because I'm feeling pretty desperate. My husband is in Stage 6 of Alzheimers and I've been looking after him for nearly 8 years now. His deterioration is accelerating, but he still has periods of awareness and lucidity, which he usually manages to demonstrate when there is some kind of assessment going on, or an 'official visitor', such as when Adult Services came recently to do a care needs assessment and carer's assessment. He told them he was able to cook simple things (which he hasn't done for years and can't turn the hobs on, or find them); that he reads lots (he can't read any more, except newspapers a bit, or write either) and that he can look after himself. This is not true. I am exhausted because at night he wakes me regularly either hallucinating, peeing on the floor or trying to find the bathroom; he has massive mood swings which recently have also led to raised fists in my direction, although he has never actually approached me aggressively or offered violence before, He follows me everywhere, sometimes even into the toilet. He is panicky, anxious the whole time. And I can't leave him for longer than 15 minutes without him trying to find me, including wandering out onto the street and leaving the doors open so the dogs get out.
I've managed to get him to a Day Centre one day a week. Although we've had the assessments from AS, there are no plans yet and I'm not hopeful because to start with we'll be self-funding. Until this year I've had no respite, but in the last few months one week and a couple of weekends.
I feel guilty because I thought I'd be able to look after my husband until the end, but increasingly I feel as if I'm in prison. It's emotionally draining, intellectually stultifying and absolutely exhausting. I'm irritable and resentful and trying not to be, but failing. Would it be wrong of me to consider getting him into a home, even though he doesn't want to go? And how do I do that?