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end of my carers allowance... - Carers UK Forum

end of my carers allowance...

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72 posts
Hello All,

i'm new to all this so please bear that in mind and i will try to get my question across as plainly as i can...

For the past 18 months or so i have been caring for my elderly mum , but recently her health got worse and she became bed bound and was taken into a nursing home 2-3 weeks ago ...social worker informed me that for mum's best health benefits she should stay in this nursing home of which mum has to pay out of her pension she gets ..and that means i have to move out of family home as it will be sold as i was living with mum to look after her

and my question is this..... do i tell job-centre that my carers allowance should be stopped asap ( as soon as she was admitted into nursing home ? )
or do i call carers freephone number and explain this to them ...who do i inform ? both places ?

..i've been so stressed and mentally worn out over the last month or 2 time has flew past and i am now worried/stressed DWP will ask me why i didn't inform them sooner bout mum going into nursing home and the way DWP are bout getting money back from you that you shouldn't have gotten , well they don't waste time getting it back off you anyway they see fit.....and that is scaring the crap out of me that i may be prosecuted for not informing them sooner
i'm having sleepless nights because of this and because social worker says that i did a lousy job letting mums health deteriorate so badly...i mean i couldn't have force fed her but i knew she was hiding food in her bed and cupboards when she said she had ate all the food i cooked for her her gp was aware of this and her condition ...

( as before i was a carer for mum all benefits were stopped because lack of NI contributions from 6 yrs ago and was informed by letters last year that because of that i will not be entitled to any benefits , as i had none for the 9 months prior to registering looking after mum )

i am sorry if this seems more like a ramble but i only just found this site and what it can offer as i have felt so isolated mentally burnt out that i thought i was having a breakdown..and couldn't get anyone to understand the impact this is having on me
Hello Feed Me Chocs (love the name !) and welcome to the forum Image

I'm moving your post to the New Members section where more people will see it and come along to welcome you and give advice.

One thing I would advise is that you contact the Carers UK Adviceline - the contact details are on the home page. Yes, you will have to inform the DWP of the change in Mum's circumstances but you do have a period of time in which to do this - trouble is I can't remember how long that is.

As for selling Mum's home - that doesn't have to be done immediately (and in the current climate is unlikely to happen quickly anyway !). Social Services will pick up the tab until such time as the house is sold and then will expect to be paid back when it has been sold - again Carers UK Adviceline can give you more advice and details. You don't say how old y ou are, but I do know that if you are over 60 then they cannot force you to sell Mum's house as it is your home too.

The Social Worker had no right to say what they did and I think you would have every right to complain - it seems to me that as your GP was well aware of the situation with your Mum not eating he should have been working with you on ways to improve her nutritional intake.
thanks susieq for moving my post to appropriate place..

my mums GP was aware of her condition and a relative talked all this through with him last time mum couldn't get to the doctors ..but mum started to eat less and hide food until she became so weak she couldn't get out of bed ....the thing with mum is she would say one thing to someone and the opposite to someone else and then deny she said anything to anyone so i dread to think what she been telling social worker and staff...
Just out of interest has your Mum been assessed as to why she was not eating ?

Telling different people different stories and then denying what had been said is quite common with dementia; 'forgetting' to eat or the reverse 'forgetting' that they have just eaten is also common with dementia. ! had both scenarios with my Mum (88 with Alzheimer's) before she passed away last year. If you know when the Social Worker is likely to visiting Mum in the Care Home it might be useful for you to make sure you are there too. And, of course, you must let the Care Home staff know your side of the story too - any information you can give them can only help them care for your Mum.
hiya susieq

as far as i know mum has not been assessed about not eating as much as she used to ...and what you mentioned about the food thing happened a lot at home which caused a lot of arguments forgetting she just ate and complained that i didn't cook her any meals ...i have informed several staff bout her hiding food and simply refusing to eat ...i wouldn't be surprised if she ends up on a IV drip soon
It sounds like you have done brilliantly to care for so long, so don't listen to the social worker at all, I'm appalled at what she has said to you. Certainly I would complain about her. It is ultimately the duty of the GP and Health Visiting Team to ensure that the elderly on their patient list are OK. I would suggest that you see an expert on housing issues, perhaps Shelter, and or the Carers UK helpline ,to find out what your rights are. If you might have to sell the house, this might be the time to consult a solicitor (usually a brief initial consultation is free). In the meantime, ignore ALL attempts, subtle or otherwise, to prise you out of your home. Have you any idea what your mum's financial situation is? Did she give power of attorney to a solicitor or friend? As mum won't be coming home, clearing the house alone is going to take some time, you can't even think of leaving until that job is complete. Is mum able to express any views on what she would like with her in the home? I'm currently clearing out a lightly furnished home, but it still takes a long time. I have one dustbin in the hall for recycling, one for rubbish, and a box for sell, and a box for charity shop. If mum has been there for a long time it's going to take ages. It's really important that you find all the important paperwork. Try to do an hour or two in the morning, and again in the evening, four hours a day will be more than enough I expect. Did mum write a will? Sorry, this isn't organised very well, but I hope it gives you an idea of the things which you need to consider.
hello, feedmechocs (thats a briliant name Image Image )

welcome to the forum. I think thats nasty and disgusting and un-professional the way you were spoken to. I agree with the others that you should complain. You are obviously a caring daughter and did a good job for as long as you could. You mustn't blame yourself for your mum being ill.
When you ring, just be honest with them and say you didn't ring earlier as you are ill yourself and near a breakdown. I'm sure they won't prosecute.
Good luck, hope you feel better soon and your mum is ok.
Phoebe xx
does anyone know the time period you are allowed after someone who you were caring for is admitted to a nursing home ? ...i think it was 28 days i may have read it on here somewhere ...

the house is divided between rest of family who are scattered all over the uk i was here as i had no where else to go or could find...and that's still the case ..but now wanting to relocate outside of area

it took me a while to get social services involved as i had no idea who to call or how to get in touch with them and mum wouldn't let me even try to change her clothes in bed or the bedding or try to lift her in and out of bath ...

the house was assessed or rather her room was they came a inflatable mattress and cushion same as what she has in the home in her bed she now has to wear nappies

also during the heated conversation i had with social worker i only found out that they now want mums pension to pay for her nursing needs at the home , social worker said it didn't concern me as it was a private matter between her and mum so when i questioned mum about it she denied she agreed to anything like that or wanting to stay on the home
I think you should ask Social Services to conduct a formal Mental Capacity Assessment - they should have a senior officer responsible for doing this. It sounds as if mum's social worker is just trying to get mum off her hands as soon as possible without any thought about what mum needs or wants, completely against all the rules. It is quite normal for the pension to be used towards the cost of care, but mum would be left with what they used to call something like a "Residential Allowance of £20-£25 per week to pay for mums toiletries etc. I think it would be worth considering contacting the others in the family with an interest in the properly, sooner rather than later, so that they are aware of what is going on.
hello feedmechoice,
Welcome to the forum, If I were you,I would tell the DWP about the change.
72 posts