Drowning

[Sandra_151112]

I have been my sons carer for 32 years his dad died 3 years ago which has left me doing it full time I've always been positive but this past few weeks I've felt run down tired ended up in hospital overnight my grandson was still born earlier this year and my son and his partner made it clear that they were there for each other and couldn't support me at all I was left to deal with my grief alone as I was when my ex husband died I cared for him for 12 months until he died along with my son and had no help I have just lost all interest in everything don't sleep or eat and cry most days my disabled son is so possessive of me and my time I don't do anything without him I'm 55 and have been single for 4 years I feel isolated and like packing a bag and just getting in the car and driving without looking back

[Juggler]

I'm not surprised you feel as though you are drowning. You have dealt with a huge amount on your own over the last few years and the load isn't likely to lift. The straw is slowly breaking the camel's back.
Please pick up the phone to the GP tomorrow and tell him/her how you are feeling. It's time someone started looking after you. I'm sure others will be along soon with practical suggestions of who you might call on for help with your son.
Sending hugs.
Juggler
x

[Sandra_151112]

Thanks juggler for your reply I know I need help but have never been one to ask and if I do I get the usual it's all about you thing we've got things to do ourselves we don't mind helping out when we can my other son is a paid carer for my son but only at his convenience I spend most days just me and my disabled son when I go into my part of the house in an evening no one speaks they say because I sit on my I pad which I tend to as no conversation my daughter in law actually messaged me last night to ask if I was ok and she was sat in the same room it's true sometimes the lonliest place is in a room full of people

[Lesley_15101]

Get to your GP tomorrow! If you don't have a social worker, then ring them tomorrow too and ask for respite that you're entitled to. If your son is a paid carer, then unpay him and pay for someone else.

You are due a life too! You've been incredibly unlucky and seem to have had more than your share of tragedy.

You MUST ask for help for yourself. Promise me. Then get back to us on here tomorrow and tell us how you got on. Good luck! x

[Sandra_151112]

I am going to try and get a Drs appointment but don't hold ot much hope as there's a 3-4 week waiting time
I know what your saying about my son but he's the only person my disabled son will have in his space which makes it difficult also he hates going into respite and that makes me feel guilty

[bowlingbun]

One dsy, you won't be able to care for your son. It's vital he gets used to having others care for him asap. The longer you leave it, the worse it will be.

[Sandra_151112]

I know that but it's hard I remember 30 years ago saying I would always care for him then when my ex was dying he said promise you will always be there for Andy and I did it's just got so hard everyone sees him happy and smiling but don't realise how all consuming it is on a daily basis whilst he can move around a little he needs 24 hour care washing dressing meals drinks medication etc
He even controls what I say will tell me what I have to say to him or ask him but I love him with every ounce of my being

[bowlingbun]

I love my son too, but it's not really about love, is it? Is doing nothing, going on as you are, really an option? Maybe work out a five year plan looking at what he needs in the future, and stepping stones towards it? He can't always have his own way, forever. What happens at day services?

[Sandra_151112]

He doesn't go to day services at home24/7

[Juggler]

Ask the surgery for an emergency appointment. They tend to hold a small number of short appointments back each day but don't advertise this. Stick to your guns and tell them it IS an emergency and that you need to see someone - and if you are up against a receptionist who tuts at you, tell use words like stress, depression, end of tether.
Let us know how you get on.
Jx