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Dprior46 - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi to you all,
I was very brief in my first post and thought I'd post again and let you know I came tobe a carer, I'm 36 years old in live in small town in oxfordshire, I met my wife Tracey about 16 years ago, At the time she was a single mother with her son David, I knew about her situation before we dated (which she said relay help, mention a baby to a bloke and theyed run a mile) and when we started to date it was a match made in heaven, If you say that true love only happens once in a life time , this was it, I was smitten.
I moved in with them after 4 weeks and after 6 months she pregnant with our little Sophie( whos 13 now and dont we know it) we got married and had a really close relationship. Tracey is 8 years older than me but that has never been an issue to use, When she was 35 we started to talk about children again and decided to let fate take control and 9 months later had Luke.
So I'm a 36 year old electrician, Happily married to Tracey, Have David my step son 16, Sophie 13 and Luke 8, ( if anyones asking if "Lukes" a starwars thing, to me yes) Oh i cant forget Max our 8month old Springer Spaniel and Jasper the cat (sorry no gold fish).

Luke was born with Bi lateral Hip displasia and in 2006 at the age of 5 had both his hips joints reshapped, This year was probally the worst year we had until now. But luke has made a full recovery and is now fine , just the odd checkup.

I care for Tracey my lovely wife, It was December 2003 and Tracey had alot off bleeding ( i'm going tobe straight to the point because this could happen to any one )

we thought it was just a heavy period but it lasted to long so her Gp started to scans and smears done, All this came to a blank then one night whilst i was working night shift i had a message to ring home, it was about 11pm and when i rang Sophie answered crying and told me Tracey was on the bathroom floor and she was bleeding. I told Sophie to dial 999 and I made my way home, we got to the Hospital A and E and after examination we were told Tracey had Missed carried. Its a good job we have a really strong relationship because she cuold not have been pregnant ( I'd had the snip) we told the doctor but he just implied that Tracey had been with some one else.

Finally we got an answer early 2004, Tracey saw a gyneacologist and he found a polyp on her cervix, I had private health care which covered Tracey so she went in to have it removed. They could not remove it as the lump was the size of an apple, They took biospys and told her that she needed a hysterectomy.Later that month (march) i was at work on nights and I got a call again, Tracey had collasped on the bathroom floor again, We got an ambulance and she was taken to hospital and this is were our lives got turned upside down.

The results had come in and Tracey had cervical cancer, Its a rare form which I cant even remember its name, All I can say it does not have pre meligment cells so a smear will not detect it, and the new HPV vacine will not stop it. She had the Hystorectomy in 2004 and recovered well, we both returned to work.

In 2005 the cancer returned, Buy now I'd been made redundant and was in my first year trading as an self employed electrician, Tracey had a combination off radiotheraphy and chemo, this wipped her out and I just managed to get buy but slowly i was getting into debt. we had good news later as the treatment had worked then 2006 hit us.

As i said luke had his hips done but Tracey's cancer had returned and spred to her bowle and bladder, they proformed what they call a pelvic exenteration, they removed her bladder, large intestine, overies, rectum and virgina, but still after all this they still found cancer cells on her pelvic bone.

I had to stop working I couldn't claim benifits as a selfempolyed sparks and I was made bankrupt. I lost my bussiness and my motor bike the I'd restored but I still had the love of my life. Traceys recovery was long but we got their and in march 2007 I went back to work..

march/april must be unlucky for us because in april 2008 Tracey's plumbing went wrong and she had to spend another 6 weeks in hospital, in this time she had to have more bowle surgey but they found more cancer, They fixed her bowle and I'm now at home looking after them all, Tracey was offered chemo but it's only 10% successful so she's opted not to have it.
We manage her Pain with slow release morhine tablets and all the other tablet that go with it (currently 22 tablets a day). We take every day as it comes , some are good some are bad. But thats now our lives until the day the big man above decides its time for a change.

Sorry its long winded but I thought you should hear what weve been through and this is the fisrt time i've ever written it. The first time we were told tracey had cancer i walked out the room, She lost her dad when she was 12, he had a brain tumor, she always told me that if she ever got cancer she'd never have treatment because she saw what it did to her dad. I'm so proud of her and she's still her. I also saw a pie chart in a ward and it said something like only 15-20% of couples stay together due to gynea cancers and I vowed it would noever part us.. That choice is now not mine or Traceys to make but again left to fate.
Hi Dean

welcome to the forum.
Sorry its long winded but I thought you should hear what weve been through and this is the fisrt time i've ever written it. .
don't apologise for sharing your exerience with us - I too have found it very cathartic to write down my feelings and share my experience with the group - they are such an understanding crowd.

((((((((hugs)))))))) to you and your lovely family

Hi Dean,

Reading your post can only give us a brief insight to all that you and Tracy have experienced along with your family.To see how far you have all come is a testament to the love and strength you all have.I hope you benefit from joining us all here and Susie was right in that we will understand.
The circumstances each of us cope with are different but there is a bond between us all and we will always be there for each other.

x x
Hi Dean
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You both sound very brave and courageous and I am sure that your love for each other is what keeps you both strong. We cannot always help on this site with day to day, but we are here to support and listen to you and sometimes we need this from people who understand us.
Sending all your family love and hugs,
Bluebird xx
Hi Dean,
The bond we have here is unique & we all support and help each other in any way we can.
Thinking of you and your wonderful family,
Big hugs to you all.

Karen x x
Hi there Dean, I´m truely glad that you have joined the forum. This must be a really difficult time for you all and I´m sure there will be times when you want to take some time out and put "fingers to keys" so to speak and share your feelings. Go ahead, everyone here is very good at listening and will help you in any way possible. Take care...you sound like a family of fighters! x