Ange, hi and welcome. First of all please accept my condolences in respect of your father. That in itself would be grievous to deal with, let alone with a mum in need of care.
I have to say I myself don't know the ins and outs of assessments, but there are plenty of folk on the forum who do, and I know they will be here soon. Also, the team of experts on Carers UK itself will definitely know. It's best to email them, apparently, as the helpline is often over busy. But let's see what the 'forum experts' say first!
You won't need me to tell you that, these days, the absolute priority of councils, SS and the NHS is NOT to help those who need it, but simply to save money by denying help (or saying it isn't necessary!!!!!)
All to often, one has to fight and force them to accept their responsibilities.
One general piece of advice that comes through on the forum over and over again is always to record EVERY conversation with the state'- in telephone calls ask their name, and get an email address for their department (and them, if you can get it!), and then always write an email just after the call saying 'Further to our phone conversation just now, you have told me that.....'
That way, later on, they can't deny it - and if they say you got it wrong, well they should have corrected you!
Although it's a pain, all written corresponsdence that isnt' email (which is automatically 'recorded') should be sent by recorded mail so, again, can't say they never got it (delaying tactics are well known.....!) (and just general overwork and inefficiency....)
In pravtical terms, what help would you like your mum to have now, irrespective of what the assessment might indicate? How is she coping with having lot her husband so recently - that's a heavy, heavy burden to bear.
PS - remember, and tell SS/council etc as necessary, you have NO legal duty of care for your mum whatsoever! You do NOT have to help, step in, ride to the rescue, sort out anything or pay for anything! Councils CANNOT 'make' you do anything at all - sometimes we have to remind them of that. They are desperate for families to 'do it all' and are happy to let us remain in ignorance of our own right NOT to care!
