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Didn't Realise I was a Carer. - Carers UK Forum

Didn't Realise I was a Carer.

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Hello everyone, it wasn't until last week when I took my Mum to the Doctors and saw a sign that said "if you have bought a relative today you could be a carer", that I realised how much I have been doing for my Mum, especially in the last 12 months.
Mum is 78, has high blood pressure (over 200 some days), gets very short of breath and cannot walk very far, also her balance is bad and she gets confused sometimes, memory not good.
It really hit home with me on Thursday, when she used her spray for her blood pressure but it didn't work, both arms where tingling and her breathing was terrible, her speech also went funny, I called 999, the paramedic and ambulance where really good and took her to hospital. I keep on thinking what would have happened it I hadn't been there, she lives with me and I have no other family. I was off work this week but I'm now worrying about when I go back Monday.
Jjust wondering, does your mum get attendance allowance? , if so you could get carers allowance.
Tried for Attendance Allowance a couple of years ago and was turned down. Mum gets state pension and guaranteed pension credit. I'm classed as self-employed and work part-time but it can drop to just a couple of hours a week sometimes. I've recently started selling greeting cards at Fayres etc and Mum comes with me then. I qualify for the disability element of the working tax credit.
Hi Gezzelin,

Welcome to the forum. I remember when I first realised I was a carer. I read posts on this forum and realised I wasn't alone in my experiences.

Hi Gezzelin, welcome to the forum. Might I suggest that this might be a good time to reapply for Attendance Allowance? Did you know that if you get turned down initially, and then ask for a review, it may well be successful? If you haven't done so already, think about contacting Social Services for an up to date needs assessment for your caree, and a Carers Assessment for yourself? It is possible to work and still qualify for Carers Allowance. We have a forum member called Scally who will doubtless reply to you in due course. Does mum have a Lifeline?
I think you should try again for attendance allowance, and get some help from citizen advice.
Hi gezzelin, its really easy to slide into caring, taking on more and more responsibility until suddenly you realise that you are a carer and not just helping them a bit.
I have recently claimed (successfully) for Attendance Allowance for my mum and although its a very long, rather complex form, from what you have said I think that your mum may well qualify - as you said, she has needed more help over the past year.
When you fill it out, you have to think about her worst day and use that. You also need to be terribly objective about it all. Its not nice to admit - even in a form - that your mum is having trouble doing things, but you need to say. Age UK are really good at helping people with this sort of thing.
One other thing. Perhaps it would be a good idea to get your mum referred to a memory clinic to see if there is a problem.
Thank you for all the help and advice. I'm phoning Doctors on Monday and making an appointment to discuss Mum's treatment (or lack of), so I'm taking a list with me, including the things you have told me. Thank you again and I'm very glad I found this site, xxx
Hi Gezzelin,

And welcome to the Forum. You have certainly come to the right place for support, advice or just a moan.

I agree with the others re attendance allowance. My mum was turned down the first time but got it on the second occasion.

That was a good sign you saw. I too didn't realise I was a carer for a long time. I am just a daughter. The caring just sneaks up on you.

Good luck with the doctors tomorrow. I am taking mum to the hospital re her lost hearing aid so an exciting day for us too, anne x
A bit of progress, phoned Doctors said I wanted an appointment with one of the Practice partners, was told you need to write to the Practice Manager if you have a complaint. Are they medically qualified, no but have experience. Well I want one of the Practice partners present. Have hand delivered letter of complaint, luckily its near where I work. Will be phoning them tomorrow if they have not contacted me.
I've also phoned about an Attendance Allowance form and its being sent to me.
Walked 6 dogs today, 7 if you include my own before I started work, didn't like leaving Mum, so any ideas of anywhere she could go like lunch club type of things please.