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desperate for help as to what to do next - Carers UK Forum

desperate for help as to what to do next

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i'm new to the forum, hello. im a carer for my wife who suffers from deppresion, she was sectioned in january for three months, i was there every single day, because i love my wife. since then the doctors have tried 2 more anti-depressents which have not worked, which of course have made things worse with feelings of suicide from my wife, writing suicide notes to myself and her family, trying to harm herself and me with a knife on 3 occasions, went missing for over 3 hours, and in those 3 hours i had texts from her telling me she has razor blades and boxes of pain killers i found her near the river near wher we live, took her to the hospital to see the crisis team, but i told them i would not let them section her.
All through this i rarely took the advice of her CPN that i should take a break, i may have gone to the pub for a couple of pints once every couple of months but that was rare, and always made sure that my wife was in safe company with the vicar who married us 4 years ago, my wifes christian beliefs are very important to her and i have always supported her with regards to them.
2 weeks ago my wife was getting worse looking on suicide sites etc, then one day 2 weeks ago she was crying saying she needed time to think and wanted me to go to my brothers for a week so she could think, she said she had arranged with this vicar, the one who married us, (but 2 years ago she introduced her to CURSILLO, another religious group) to stay with her etc so i would have nothing to worry about.
so i called her bluff and agreed, but packed enough clothes to last no more than a day away from her as i had every intension of coming back the next day.
within 24 hours of me being away i was getting text and phone calls telling me its all over, she would stop me from being her carer and that all my belongings will be given to me at an arranged destination at a motorway service station, but at the same time i have the vicar phoning me and telling me that i have abused my wife mentally and emotionally, and abused my rights as a husband, and i am to have no contact with her, my wifes mother and father, and sister and brother and everyone we know have always said that im the best thing that has ever happened to her, but now her parents say that they must remain nuetral, and if my wife does not want contact then it must be that way. the vicar knew how my wife was and for me she just fed my wifes ilness by aggreing to act on every word my wife said, she should have phoned me or the crisis team or anything, she knows my wife ilness thrives for attention.This is the same person with her other cursillo friends are forever telling her god has a plan for her, and one of them saying god has given him a mission to take care of jane and lead her in the right direction to god etc, and that comes with all the hugging and emails and letters and cards saying god will help you through it and we all pray that he will make it so one day you will never need tablets, these things should not be said to a person who more than likely is going to be on tablets for the rest of her life. its these people who are more than likely with her now, and im not allowed to make any contact whatsoever.
i have never been ill in my life but the last 2 weeks i have lost a stone in weight and the doctor has put me on diazapan, i love my wife more than anything in this world, but what can i do i just feel alone and abandoned. please help.

if i voice my concerns to her CPN, i fear that it will make my wife more angry etc, wiil the CPN have to tell her what i say ?, and as for the vicar my wife at this moment in time hangs on her every word.

thank you
I had no idea what Cursillo meant,so I have just looked it up.
ANYTHING involved with this part of her religion that says she will be able to give up all medication is going to be dangerous to her health.I would suggest you get in touch with hre CPN urgently. They may not be able to do anything,but it all sounds as though the religion is trying to control your wife, and for her own safety she should be seen and assessed.
Good luck.
I've also just read up on Cursillo, very sound advice from Lazydaisy. Wishing you well.
me as well ((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))
thank you all for your support it helps so much
Welcome to the forum Image

If I were you, I would speak to CPN and/pshchiatrist asap. But ask them not to mention about who "reported". It is frustrationg but your wife will do what she feels confortable - please make sure about your safety too.

Also, please get some support for your self asap. Are you registered with local Carers Service?

I look after my husband who has severe mental illness and I am on medication too. What we can do is limmitted and no matter how useless the mental health service is, better to get involved as many people as possible.

Take care.
i feel so sorry for you and understand exactly how you must feel and what you are going through.. like the others i would say contact her cpn as soon as you can. i am concerned that what there are saying to her is so wrong. there sound very much like a cult type group.. i have looked them up and found that the main base is in texas..
Just sending (((((((hugs))))) to you - wish there was more that I could do to make things better for you x
Welcome to the forum ((((hugs))))
Hi

You should be able to talk to the CPN and ensure that you state that what you are about to say should be treated in confidence and make it explicit that you do not want this shared with your wife.

You could discuss this with one of our Advisors on our AdviceLine 0808 808 7777 Wed and Thur 10-12 and 2-4.

Kind regards

Gavin