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Carers UK Forum •Depressed looking after husband
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Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2021 4:09 pm
by claire_2009123
My husband has severe pneuropathy.can do nothing in the house.i know it's not his fault but I have had enough.is this it for the next.may e 20 years.covid not helping.he is a good man, and has always been there for me.but sometimes just want to leave.is this normal?

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2021 4:17 pm
by Ayjay
I would think it is perfectly normal, it definitely echoes my feelings after six years of caring for my wife. I'm beginning to wonder how much longer I can continue, it's not far short of slavery really.

Has your husband had a Needs Assessment and yourself a Carer's Assessment, and have you researched Continuing Healthcare?

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2021 6:49 pm
by claire_2009123
Has had assessment.just feeli g is this my life now.

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2021 8:23 pm
by bowlingbun
You need to get out and about more. It sounds like you are feeling really trapped. If you love your husband enough to care for him, he should love you enough to let you live a life of your own, to some extent. So he has to accept either being alone at times, or having someone sit with him, or relying on a Lifelilne.

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2021 10:41 pm
by Ayjay
claire_2009123 wrote:
Fri Apr 02, 2021 6:49 pm
Has had assessment.just feeli g is this my life now.
It is: unless you do something to change it.

Think of something that you'd like to do, just for you, and then arrange it. It may not be easy, there will be obstacles, but one way or another you can overcome those.

You might have to ask us on here for help on how to arrange things, but that's OK. Someone is likely to have been there and done it already.

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2021 6:28 pm
by Goid1991
Even the strongest and most confident person needs the support of those closest to him. and as much as men would like to look the strongest and the best in our eyes, support them in any small way. Criticism has not brought anyone closer together

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2021 5:17 pm
by claire_2009123
Love my husband for who he is. But not in love with him at the moment is this normal. So many issues at the moment
due to his health and lack of feeling in all extremeties.

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2021 6:21 pm
by claire_2009123
am going for counselling tomorrow 6th April 2021

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2021 6:28 pm
by bowlingbun
Counselling takes time. It took me about 6 sessions to really open up about how I was feeling. In the end I wrote it down as "homework". The counsellor was stunned when he read it, asked why I was apparently smiling when I was really crying inside.

Re: Depressed looking after husband

Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2021 7:12 pm
by Ayjay
claire_2009123 wrote:
Mon Apr 05, 2021 5:17 pm
Love my husband for who he is. But not in love with him at the moment is this normal. So many issues at the moment
due to his health and lack of feeling in all extremeties.
It's always possible that you and I are the two really weird people in the world, but I doubt it, as that pretty much matches my feelings completely. My wife (of over 49 years now) is just not the girl I married. At times, I find it hard to even like her any more, but none of that is her fault, it's just how MS takes a person, it's hard to deal with that day after day, really hard.