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dementia journey - Page 10 - Carers UK Forum

dementia journey

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
167 posts
Sounds industrious. You could post us some pics.

Melly1
"Painted with Japanese designs" sounds beautiful.
I have an armoury of different sanders, and can paint skirting boards and walls, but cannot draw at all.
I'd love to see some of your finished work.
Peter
I love Japanese and Chinese designs. So admire your talent.

Oh and I have had cross moments with hubby, when trying to sort things that he used to do. Now I just say " come on X, how do I sort this"?. For some odd reason it makes me get on with it.
Will put on some pictures soon
Not sure how to put pics on. Anyone want to walk me through it?

Cheers, Peter
Peter,

try these instructions

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/forum-gu ... uter-40418

Melly1
I’ve just finished a zoom meeting with family and friends. Didn’t really want to do it but thought I’d do my best. Everyone was cheerful and upbeat and talking about Covid and home improvements and hangovers and diets.

The only mention of Bridget was ‘has she had her jab yet’ and I filled in the details. Not one person in all the talk asked anymore about her or my situation. My whole life is underpinned by my feelings and emotions for Bridget and no one seems to get it. I’ve every right to be a miserable old so and so and not join in with the jollity.


I’ve said this before but it’s almost like “ well, Bridget taken care of now and Peter needs to get on with his life and let’s not talk about all that depressing dementia stuff, let’s not spoil the atmosphere with questions about how Peter feels”
But how can anyone who isn’t in this situation even come close to knowing the torment we go through everyday. Am I making far too much of my grief ? Am I guilty of a little wallowing in it?

My daughter I suppose really wants me to be happier for my own sake but how can I NOT be stuck in this grief. That’s why I need counselling for heavens sake! I just get so annoyed that this pushing by others into the background of Bridget’s condition and my situation is acceptable. I wonder if it would be the same if she was in a hospice dying of cancer. That’s cleaner somehow, not grimy like dementia.
I so need people on this Forum who understand this . I’m left with an empty feeling of isolation

Peter
As a widow, I understand the grief and the feeling of loneliness and isolation. After 15 years I have accepted it now. Your daughters will be feeling it too, they won't ever forget their mum, you can be sure of that. Maybe they feel they have lost the old dad too?
Peter
I understand your feelings too. Sadly it's the way it is. To others, our loved ones won't be the whole topic if conversation. It's far too difficult for everyone. Especially as no one can put a comforting arm around you. Bridget isn't forgotten. You aren't being left out of conversation. It would be even more hurt if your family thought you weren't interested in their lives too. Try to see things from their side. Go with the flow of conversation. You are allowed to smile with people too!
If several people were involved in your Zoom meeting Peter, maybe they felt it wouldn’t be appropriate to discuss Bridget in case it upset you in front of them all.

Do you ever ring your kids and tell them how you feel? They may be thinking that because you don’t discuss her, you are coping fine.

When the better weather comes you will be able to get out more and interact with people. This is a tough time for all of us and this bitterly cold weather and being stuck inside isn’t helping either.

I am pleased you don’t at least have any financial concerns with Bridget’s care as you report that it is all sorted now.
167 posts